what we are

how can it be?

2011-09-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

September 12, 2010

September 14, 2011

"...no little girl can stop her world to wait for me..." {Natalie Merchant}

ten years later...

2011-09-11T23:28:00.000-05:00

as seen by six-year-old Miles during our 9-11 remembrance service at church. "Sorry about the buildings."

Milla Jean is one!

2011-09-03T07:12:00.000-05:00

So my baby girl did it - she turned one! Without my permission, actually, but she went right ahead and did it anyway. How does this keep happening to me? My babies growing up? When thinking of Milla's party, the decisions went like this:

{1} Make a peg-doll-Milla cake topper.
{2} MUST make a ruffle cake.
{3} Pink, pink, pink!

Am I ever thankful for the internet where all of my inspiration and how-to instructions come from. I was pretty intimidated by the ruffle icing, but just had to give it a shot, and you know what? It was so easy {and fun!}. If you are curious, find the peg doll tutorial here and a ruffle icing how-to video here.

And a shout out to super Anita, who took these lovely photos of the cake and decorations. No photoshopping here, folks, just talent. {I did get a bit photoshop happy down there on the birthday girl pictures, but I just have so much fun with actions.} But that Anita, she just worked magic with these up here all by herself.

Of course I have to thank my mom for lots of help {lots!}... she made raspberry oatmeal bars, arranged flowers, and helped clean. {Thanks, Mom!}

And here is the precious birthday Milla Jean! She really wanted to grab hold of the candle or the flame or something, so aside from a little danger, she enjoyed us singing happy birthday. Well, she wasn't bothered by the actual danger, but by how I wouldn't let her get her little hands on that candle. We actually sang twice because her big bro Miles accidentally blew out her candle with the party blower thing. {What are those called?}

She needed a little help trying the actual cake and not just the icing. Some people like the icing. Some people like the cake. I like both, and I think she did, too!

The whole family at our {last} first birthday party. This picture will be hanging on my wall soon.

Happy birthday to my sweet Jeannie-girl! It's been a precious, too-fast, wonderful year of loving you, though I'm sure I've loved you forever. I'm so happy you've been given to us.

school boys

2011-08-30T22:12:00.004-05:00

The transition from homeschool {for Elijah and me} and preschool {for Miles} has gone pretty well so far. We've now got 12 school days under our belts, and with the exception of Elijah forgetting to copy down a few homework assignments and me forgetting his focus medicine once, it's been great. Miles may not admit it, but he's happy to go to school each day. And Elijah is really happy. I'm still struggling ever so slightly with handing him over, it's a control thing... but I can already see how much he needs to own his days, his work, a bit more than he could when I was momma-teacher.

I was a nervous wreck {on the inside!} that first morning. During chapel, which started the day, Elijah leaned over and patted me on the back. He had no problem heading to his new classroom, meeting his new teacher. I had a hard time leaving him, and Miles too, but they did great. God sent comfort and confirmation to me through the words of the wonderful principal, Mrs. Stewart, during chapel. She reminded us all that it is God Who ordains our days, that He intended for our children to be at this place at this time. She gave a charge to the teachers to teach the children well, to help the children from being tossed about by the wind or waves of deceiving doctrine. She gave a charge to the students to work as unto the Lord. Heaven helped me {as it always does!}, to leave with a fresh knowing that our decision was made in Him. He knows how much I need reminding. {Thank you, Lord.}

So now we rise early, we learn in a different place, a different way, we wait and we anticipate all of the good that is to come in this new season...

Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left.
Isaiah 30:21

our trip in pictures {and a few words}

2011-08-22T23:07:00.000-05:00

We were blessed, indeed,

with the opportunity to take

a wonderful vacation in Florida.

We are so thankful for God's provision

of this time through friends.

We played in the sand

and in the sea.

We had one {very} hot day, {very} fun day

riding, seeing, surprising! {We told the kids about our day at the Magic Kingdom on the ride there.}

And this baby loved the waves on her toes.

Thankful.

Now, to attempt to catch up a little on sharing the counted gifts. Have still been counting, but have gotten behind on sharing them here, which will explain the outdated seeming parts:

{73} An old man asks Jonathan for a few dollars for something to eat, but we can only find one dollar between us. He makes a sandwich for the man, filling a bag with a few things. Miles comes to the kitchen with two dollars and some change. All the money he had, he gave away.
{74} Ella missing Miles as he attends a neighborhood VBS she's not old enough for. "He has VBS the next day adain?"
{74} Miles trying to encourage Ella just before her last swim lesson - she was crying and anxious and had asked for piggy tails. "Oh, you look so pretty!" was part of the pep talk.
{75} Miles telling me that Matthew and Luke are in the middle of the bible, then he says "some stories are still being written." {On his 6th birthday-eve}
{76}Rain over a thirsty, dry area.
{77} A cold pack wrapped around a sprained ankle, my man telling me to rest.
{78} Elijah and Ella sitting close, video on my iPhone, his head on her shoulder.
{79} Miles and his dad working on a hot wheel track together {birthday gift!} together.
{80} A sleeping Milla in my lap, weighty, warm.
{81} Beautiful, powerful heat lightning.
{82} Tall, puffy, cotton-ball clouds. Bright white on blue skies.
{83} Being in the Pike Road 4th of July Parade with Elijah, Miles, Ella, Kell and Ian {my nephews}. Fun!
{84} Spurgeon's words: "We have been in many trials, but we have never yet been cast where we could not find in our God all that we needed." See Isaiah 26:4
{85} A date with Milesy.
{86} Falling in love with him all over again!

To be continued. Not caught up, but still counting...

See what others thank Him for at Ann's

where we've been...

2011-08-06T23:51:00.000-05:00

a few Floridian places. More to come...

flashback friday

2011-07-29T09:38:00.001-05:00

Soon, all too soon, it will happen. My baby will turn one.

31 weeks

36 weeks

She had quite the presence, even before she lived a single day.

Isn't it amazing, how I've loved her forever?

milla jean at 11 months

2011-07-20T23:54:00.001-05:00

Pssst... it's me, Milla Jean.

I'm so excited

while momma is feeling sentimental

because I'm 11 months old!

Notice the path of destruction behind me. I did that myself.

I plundered this cheez-it from the floor. Yes, I did and I rather enjoyed it.

Ella took a picture of momma and me.

And another. Excuse me while I eat this necklace. What? Don't worry, I put everything in my mouth.

All I know is that I am just happy to be here. If I could only get my hands on this birthday cake momma keeps telling me about...

5 minute Friday: loss

2011-07-15T22:40:00.000-05:00

I've been MIA around here lately. The days of summer have been busy, busy. One month from today my boys will start a new school, and there is much to be done by then, especially preparing myself for their going. But when I saw that Gypsy Mama's 5 minute Friday today is on loss, I had to take a few minutes to write. The typical rule is 5 minutes, but today she gave permission for more time as needed. We'll see, here goes

I relate well to CS Lewis' quote, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." I had no idea the absolute fear that would take hold of me after my dad died. I was afraid of so much, too much, but in particular I was afraid of living life without my dad.

I didn't know what deep loss felt like until he was gone. And how it truly would feel like I actually lost him, almost like he was misplaced, or kidnapped. Because it takes a while to really accept, really know that someone is gone. It takes a while before you stop thinking about calling them on the phone, before you can delete their email address from your list of contacts, or their number from your cell phone. It's like holding on to the last little bits of them will keep them real to you. We only recently changed my mom's voice mail from his voice.

One minute he was there, and a few minutes later he was gone. Just like that. Quiet, peaceful, here and then gone. I had prayed for his release, relief, ultimate healing. But then wondered why he was gone? Where had he gone? And would for long months wonder these things. Now, I know where really, There, with Him, Home... but I wanted to know distance, travel time, route. Proximity to me. I struggled so hard. Felt his absence so deep, the losing him. But it was my loss, and now I can write with a smile across my face, that my loss was his gain. The loss still stings, and the missing continues and will, but his gain is real and true. And I have found that knowing this, feeling this as deep as my grief, the hope of Where he is, of Who he is with, the promise of being with him and Him myself One day, it carries me.

All loss will One day become nothing but gain. Sorrow will become joy. Mourning will turn to dancing. Grasping to this hope begins to heal the deep loss...

{15 minutes give or take a little}

wonder

2011-06-24T22:17:00.000-05:00

Here goes another five minute friday: the topic is wonder.

GO.I wonder how it is that I deserve the gift of you. How it is that you were knit together in my womb. How it is that every day was recorded before one of them came to be.

I wonder how it is He decided to make your ears flop over sweetly, to make you look so like your little big brother, yet be so perfectly dainty.

I wonder how it has already been more than 10 months of you, my sweet little baby? How has it passed so quickly? Weren't you just inside, stretching me further than I thought possible? How is it that you now stretch the heart further than I imagined could be - making me a momma with enough heart for four.

And I wonder, how is it that we ever lived without you, Milla Jean?
STOP.

those feet get me every. time. we love how you hold onto us with them.

hey ladybug, whatcha looking at?

oh, I see.

sharing.

Jeannie-girl,

this has been a big time for you! You are officially on the move. You can get to the far reaches of the house all by yourself. Although this is an exciting development {since six weeks ago I was worried you'd never crawl!}, it's also troubling due to my {less than} desirable house-keeping skills. So far we make it work by shutting you out of certain rooms, and constantly looking for those tiny choking hazards, which reminds me of having to do a modified heimlech on you recently. Not. Fun.

You are working on cutting four top teeth. Seriously? Must you cut four all at once and all too soon look like a grown woman? Well, not really a grown woman, but still, older than I'm ready for in such a short time. Slow up on the teeth sprouting a bit, ok?

Since you are now independently mobile, you have no time or desire for the exersaucer or the walker. And wow, do you display that temper if we try. Only occasionally do you humor us briefly on this matter. That's ok, places to go and things to do, right?

We love you, you sweet and spicy little thing. Forever and ever.

big yawn. cutting four teeth and crawling all over creation will make one tired I suppose.

Miles is 6!

2011-06-22T16:33:00.001-05:00

and we enjoyed a small gathering of friends at the pool after VBS yesterday. He wanted an Auburn cake, so I delivered one I was fairly proud of, but butter cream icing does not prefer super hot weather, and fell in on itself. No one seemed to mind, and it tasted pretty good, so I'll eventually get over the sad condition of said cake. I wanted a picture of it cut, with an orange layer and a blue layer, but the children were on that cake like stink on a skunk, no time for pictures. In a matter of minutes it was cut up and handed out. Oh, well... I'm sure it won't be the last Auburn cake I make for my little tiger.

How is it that the days can be so long, the years so short?

Happy 6th birthday to my Milesy, who used to be very tiny, but is now on his way to kindergarten. How many times will my heart break over this boy? I think I'll go snag a hug from him, that helps every time...

for love of you

2011-06-19T23:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day to our very favorite man!

What Is A Dad?

A dad is someone who

wants to catch you before you fall

but instead picks you up,

brushes you off,

and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who

wants to keep you from making mistakes

but instead lets you find your own way,

even though his heart breaks in silence

when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who

holds you when you cry,

scolds you when you break the rules,

shines with pride when you succeed,

and has faith in you even when you fail...

- Unknown

Thank you for loving us, taking care of us. We are pretty taken with you.

Home

2011-06-17T22:57:00.001-05:00

This is my first attempt at Five Minute Friday. The rules? Write about the given topic for five minutes, only five minutes, without worrying about errors, without editing. What you write in that five minutes is what you post. A little intimidating, to be sure. Here it goes though, as I just had to give today's topic a go:

Home

Home is the Place that I am going to. I don't belong here. I am a foreigner, a stranger, a visitor. I was made for something more, somewhere else. Home.

It feels like Home there, although I've never been. The nagging feeling that something is missing, that something just isn't right? Well, it's because the truth is just that: something isn't right. I won't be made whole until I'm Home. That's when His good work will be completed.

To see Him face to face. I have no words, just wonderings, anticipation. To be in His presence, in the presence of Love.

To see my dad again. To hug him again. To {hopefully} be greeted by my father and my Father. I can hardly wait on Home.

Counting gifts: anniversary edition

2011-06-14T00:17:00.000-05:00

I met him when we were mere children. Twelve years old. My big brother introduced us, said Jonathan could have me if he wanted to. He would later take him up on that offer, but of course we didn't know that yet. I wonder, did God smile at that?

Then, over years we became friends. He picked on me. I laughed. Then, at the age of almost 16, knowing he was too sweet to say no, and my friend and I tricked him. He had no idea what was coming, but soon agreed to be my date for homecoming. He was so easy to talk to, strange for two shy kids.

Then one day, a little more than four years later, he took me on a day trip to the beach. He asked me {several times} to look at a sketch he had done. When I finally looked, it was a drawing of a ring, the one he was holding, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, and married him 13 years ago today.

He reminded me this morning of something Jim Brinkerhoff {our campus minister at Auburn }said during our premarital class. He said that it takes 25 years for a married couple to be "completely gelled" together. Then I remembered other things. He showed us a graph of marital satisfaction and asked what we thought caused a steep drop-off. It was having children. He spoke of marriage like a pair of hedge clippers. The husband and wife working together, and when they work well together, anything that comes in between them gets lopped off. He also said many times that marriage is hard work, but that we must remember the best is yet to come.

Thirteen years ago I said these words to him. I still mean them today.

Jonathan, I vow to be your faithful wife. I offer you my pure and true love and unwavering support throughout all our lives. As I stand here now in the presence of God and these witnesses, I commit myself to you. As we grow and share together, I will encourage you and strive to help you reach your full potential as God's creation, then I will celebrate your progress. I give myself to you as I am and as I will be for all of my life.

I love you, baby. Like you said this morning, we are halfway to being gelled at 25 years! How blessed we are. I'll love you forever. I'm so grateful for the gift of you.

{73} A husband who takes care of me, of us.
{74} He loves me, and our children know it. They pretend that love is gross, but we know it makes their hearts happy, their home secure.
{75} He takes me as I am, but encourages me to grow and change in response to God's will.
{76} He loves me like Paul said he should.
{77} He always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres. He is love to me.
{78} Knowing, believing that the best is yet to come.
{79} We've grown up together, are growing a family together, grow in the Lord together, and Lord willing, will grow old together.
{80} Striving together to be a cord of three strands.

I am a blessed woman, loved by my Father, who has given me the gift of this man.

listing gifts

2011-06-06T13:22:00.000-05:00

this listing gifts makes me look, really look, to see what He is giving. a gift in itself.

{56} AW Tozer's writing: "The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing - for now he has it all in One."
{57} Knock of nephew on the door making uncle take a break from the work pressing down.
{58} The happy, running children because of that knock and the asking to come and play.
{59} The sending of His words through the words of another, whether written or spoken, perfectly timed.
{60} Like this: "Parenting is a process of regular disturbances for a high and noble end... we are to train and instruct our children. Training is sometimes painful, occasionally noisy, usually bothersome, and always purposeful." from Devotions for Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas via thegypsymama.com.
{61} and this in her own words: "This business of raising small children is sacred soil and what I sow into it now is what I'm leaving them to reap."
{62} Miles telling me, "Mom, I remember when Milla was as small as a sesame seed." He brings this up from time to time, recalling what I said early in pregnancy with her.

{63} Ella safe after a close call at the pool. I can't thank Him enough {or get the image out of my head.}

{64} The reminder - do not take them for granted.
{65} The dance recital. I laughed. I cried.
{66} My dancer.
{67} And how she loves me.
{68} Miles dressing himself for the recital. Button-up shirt. Jeans. Boots. Cowboy hat.
{69} Experiencing a roly poly with the first three.
{70} New {but careful} bravery in the pool. Ella and Miles jumping off the diving board with floaties.
{71} Milestones. {Finally} standing. Just now crawling.

{72} The everlasting arms of Deuteronomy 33:27.

I'll keep looking, listing. Others will too...

Ella's dance recital

2011-05-28T09:37:00.001-05:00

Or "cital" as she calls it. Whatever you call it, I have almost never seen anything as completely adorable as this preschool dance recital. I laughed, I almost cried, I smiled a lot. So sweet. Something I've waited a long time for, just for the sheer joy of it. {Like since the first time I saw tiny girls dance in a recital, like fifteen years ago. Yes, really.}

proud momma

proud daddy

sweet little friends

jazz dance to Route 66

ballet dance to What a Wonderful World

proud brothers {even though they dreaded the event all week}. the daisies were from them. roses from daddy.

daddy putting her necklace on

the dancer and her fans

And here is just a tiny little bit of sweetness - her ballet solo...

Didn't I warn you? Precious, yes?

a little doll

2011-05-23T15:39:00.000-05:00

I made her, and she was only here for a short time. She was made with someone else in mind, a little someone in Tennessee. I think I'll soon be making more. Two {for here}, at least. I used this tutorial from 60 piggies, a favorite blog of mine. Maybe you should make one, too...

she's been here 9 months...

2011-05-19T16:39:00.000-05:00

and it strikes me like it has with each little before her, she's been outside of me now as long as she was growing on the inside. How does this keep happening? My babies keep growing up while I turn away for a moment, or blink. Faster and faster. It's true what they used to say, the older you get, the more quickly time passes by. The eight year-old me didn't believe it. Now I have an eight year-old. And I want to hit pause or slow motion, something, anything, to slow down, to soak up, to revel, to enjoy more.

I found this on a new {to me} blog a little while ago, and it both mad me a little sad and gave me comfort. What a wonderful gift this is, this mothering. This baby girl. Her big sister. Their big brothers. Gifts, each of them in their own way. A privilege, a present, to have them, hold them, teach them, grow them, pray them.

But this I do know. Motherhood grows from the inside out. Motherhood means we stretch with new life, whether or not we deliver a baby. We sustain. We ache. We carry. We care. We hold. We cherish. And we release.

Then we wear the marks of that gift for a lifetime. And it is beautiful.
from The Gypsy Mama.

And we release. Over and over again, we release. All too soon, I'll release this {last} first year. Around the same time I'll re-release my first little love back to the school room, and release Miles into one as well. It's what we do, yes? This letting go. But through each release and in between, during the having, holding, teaching, growing, praying, we have strong Arms holding us as well. To remind us where our help comes from:

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth. ³ He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.
⁵ The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.
⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.
{Psalm 121}

Milla Jean,

Nine months! Can it be? You are certainly bringing more and more love out of us- each one of us is fairly head-over-heels for you {which says a lot for your little big brother}! You are changing, my love, and even though it breaks my heart a little it also makes my spirit soar- just what does your Father hold for your future? Such a sweet little thing he created in you, I just can't wait to know your soul even more. The glimpses I have now have me just smitten, joyful.

You can stand on your own two feet when forced {thanks again to sweet Miss Ashley for helping you realize that standing is actually a thing}. You don't love it yet, but we are practicing a little each day. You pulled up on your knees in your crib just now, so we'll get there! You are really enjoying some finger foods now: puffs, cheerios, mum mums, a little chicken and beef here and there. I think we've finally {hopefully} seen the last of that overbearing gag reflex!

You are momma's girl, although Daddy comes in a very close second. You've done a bang up job of making him adore you. It's been so special to have him working from home during your littlest time, a blessing for both of you {and me!}.

Just the other day you had your nine month old check-up. You didn't mind the finger prick, although it annoyed you when she kept hold of that finger for too long of a bit. The shots, though? Well, they got all over you. And I have precious {though pitiful} proof:

"This crinkly paper is fun. This band-aid is annoying. Those shots were just mean."

You weighed 18 pounds, 13 ounces{45th %ile} and were 28 inches long{70th %ile}. Baby girl, you are way ahead of the game with head circumference at 18 inches{90th %ile}! My beautiful bobble head. ;)

I'm fairly certain you recently said the uh part of "uh-oh!" and you've just learned to clap, which you think is so very wonderful. So do I. You love to play on the floor, and are so good at entertaining yourself. You are just starting to attempt a little forward movement commando style. I am just so thoroughly enjoying your babyness, since I know it will continue to fly by. I'm not in a hurry for the next milestone. Now that I know for sure your lack of bearing weight skills isn't because you can't, but you just don't want to, I can really relax {while still encouraging new skills} and just see what happens when.

I love you my sweet girl. Forever and ever.
momma

recently

2011-05-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

It's been hectic around here lately. It's been fun. It's been tiring. Milla just turned 9 months old {sniff sniff} and has been learning a few new tricks. The periodic cicadas are out and about and although I have yet to see {a whole} one, Ella has taken to finding their left behind wings.

The second grade is winding down for Elijah and me, as is this season of homeschooling in our family. Will there be another homeschooling season? Only God knows, and I trust that He will lead where we should follow. For the next school year he has led us to Cornerstone, and we look forward to all that He has for us there.

Miles' final days of preschool are upon us {sniff sniff again} as he will graduate on Friday. Jonathan took him on his last preschool field trip last week - I know Miles was happy to take his dad along since the five catfish they caught is much better than the one I caught last year. {I was also happy to miss out on the bloody cut-up fish they used as bait this go around.} Milla and I accompanied Ella on her class field trip to the zoo last week. Mil did great, took a nap, handled the heat. Ella had a bit of a harder time, but had fun anyway. Next up for her is her very first dance recital next week. I. Can't. Wait!

Miles also had his last t-ball game over the weekend. Why does everything end all at once? It's a bit much for this sappy momma. I had a blast watching him play and learn this season. He had a blast, too, especially playing in that red dirt!

Ella experienced a first last Saturday. She went to the wedding of a precious {young thang!} friend of mine. I sing with her at church, laugh with her at practice, share with her the loss of a parent {she lost her mom when she was only 18}, she taught Ella in the nursery. She made a beautiful bride and I know her momma was smiling over her especially on her wedding day. Ella was in awe of how "bee-you-ti-ful" Katelyn looked. I sat there trying to soak in that moment: my four year old, her first wedding, hoping they wouldn't kiss "cause that's yucky," and I wondered about the future of my girl. Does He have a groom in mind for her? And just how quickly will that day arrive? So, I just had to snap a picture of my baby girl with sweet Katelyn, to help me remember the day. Just Ella and me. Her first wedding.

Continuing the list of gifts:

{52} Miles staying in the van with Ella in the dark as I took Milla on inside. I came right back to get them, but Ella felt safe with her brother who was "guarding" her.
{53} A reminder that I desperately needed via a friend on facebook: "today is not just another little square on your calendar, but a God-breathed gift He has purposed for His glory. Tune in." Louie Giglio.
{54} The laughter of little girls.
{55} My very own bubble-in-the-sink beauty, dome covering the drain. {If you haven't read One Thousand Gifts, this means nothing to you. So read it!}

What are others receiving? You can find out...

Just one more game to go...

2011-05-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

and I will miss

watching this little man,

these little men,

play ball.

melt my heart

2011-05-09T11:06:00.000-05:00

So Friday Miles proudly gave me his preschool Mother's Day work of art, an adorable painted frog canvas {with Miles' sweet handprints making the frog's feet!} with a handwritten tag reading "hoppy Mother's Day." He had me at the hand prints. I'm a sucker for my babies' hand prints. But on the back is where he melted my heart:

My Mom

My mom is 34 years old {ok, in the interest of full disclosure it actually said 44 but he assures me that his teacher misunderstood him when he said "firty four." I believe him.}
My mom weighs 40 pounds.
My mom's favorite color is purple.
My mom's favorite food is chicken wraps.
My mom likes flowers.
My mom doesn't like bad words.
I like it when my mom cleans the dishes.
I like to help clean the house with my mom.
My mom is love.

Can you guess at what point my heart melted? "My mom is love." That boy owns me, even though it seems to be a novelty to him when I clean the dishes.

Now for Ella's turn:

My mom is 4 years old. {I'm pretty sure she wasn't paying attention to the task on this one.}
My mom weighs 5 pounds. {Um, no.}
My mom's favorite color is pink.
My mom's favorite food is rice and peas.
My mom likes singing.
My mom does not like cheese around the house. {This is true, and she's heard me say it many a time.}
I like it when my mom hugs me.
I like to lay down with my mom. {If only she'd fall asleep when we do.}
My mom is beautiful.

Yes, she further melted my heart. Sweet, funny girl.

So, just for fun I had Elijah do it as well:

My mom is 34 years old.
My mom weighs 100 pounds. {Um, does he remember me before I had him? I don't think so, but I'll go with it!}
My mom's favorite color is pink.
My mom's favorite food is chicken wraps.
My mom likes Dad. {So true.}
My mom does not like bad words.
I like it when my mom teaches me. {And with that finished my heart off.)
I like to go to EastChase with my mom.
My mom is named Kristin. {He's a very literal child.}

To wrap up: the me they see is super skinny, if not emaciated and sickly, and likes healthy food {I can't believe they didn't say cheeseburgers}. Apparently I really dislike bad words, but I like flowers, singing and my husband {good news, yes?}. And whatever you do, you should never, ever put cheese around my house. But what I seriously take from what they said is that they really love me, knowing that I really love them, no matter what. What more could I ask for?

Jonathan and the kids gave me flowers and a card that explained which child picked out which kind of flower:
Apparently, Ella chose pink because it's my favorite color. Miles chose yellow because I like yellow flowers. Elijah chose red because they are pretty like me.

It was a sweet beginning to a long week ahead: field trips and winding down school.

Oh, and Miles went to bed with a mild fever. {Happy Mother's Day to me, right?} My work is never done. But even though it is hard, endless work, I wouldn't miss these days, these children, for anything.

on with the list:

{44} Watching Him play ball, cheering him on.
{45} A Friday afternoon movie with Mom.
{46} "My mom is love" and the little man that said it.
{47} "My mom is beautiful" and the girl that thinks the sun sets and rises with me.
{48} "I like it when my mom teaches me" and the first born love.
{49} The unconditional love they have for me, a very imperfect mother.
{50} My God, Who can take the imperfect love I have for my children, fill in all the gaps, and bring about beauty from ashes.
{51} Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

See what others have counted this week...

counting gifts

2011-05-02T23:22:00.000-05:00

{36} Seeing His goodness in the wake of tragedy.

{37} Hearts going out to others, help given, prayers said.

{38} Growing love among the oldest of friends.

{39} Busy husband fixing my lunch.

{40} Singing.

{41} Sunday lunch, new place, not crowded, kids eat free.

{42} Help for infected ears.

{43} A serious boy can sometimes be silly.

See what others are listing this week at A Holy Experience:

random cuteness

2011-04-28T23:03:00.000-05:00

Recent cuteness clumped together randomly:

My sleepy girl at the end of a day full of t-ball and a birthday party.

Her stash of extra bonz candy. Kept in the fridge overnight so it won't go bad.

Miles cuddled in a hooded puppy dog towel. So cute.

What happens if I choose to take a nap while Jonathan is away from the house: tractors run through baking soda. all. over. the. kitchen. Notsocute. {But one day, a long, long time from now, I might miss this kind of thing. Maybe.}

Easter Monday {on Tuesday}

2011-04-26T12:05:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's Tuesday because, well, Monday was busy. Today is busy, too, but in an effort to fend off some type of break down {seriously, I feel it coming on...}, I am sitting, writing, being thankful. The cause of the almost-break down? My house. The house that is so full of stuff and junk and I want to just tip it on it's side and empty it out. A thorough clean and purge is needed, is coming, but how to find the time with four littles {the middle two always adding to the mess}, second grade to wrap up, a baby to feed? On to the gifts list before the breaking down begins here and now:

{28} the {last} first Easter.

{29} making the dresses myself, however imperfect, made lovely by the little girls in them.

{30} boys that still like to wear matching clothes.

{31} a risen Savior!
{32} the hope of His rising.
{33} the grave is overwhelmed.
{34} the joy of Easter Sunday, the peace of Easter Monday, Easter Tuesday... {and on and on}.
{35} knowing that it will only get better after this - SO much better.

Read Ann's lovely words about an Easter Monday faith, find other lists...

I'm pretty certain...

2011-04-20T22:49:00.002-05:00

I'm his #1 fan.

I love watching him play. Such a little man.

Maybe I'm tied with his dad for #1 fan. Maybe.

{once again}

2011-04-18T22:34:00.001-05:00

it has been a long Monday here. Why are Mondays that way sometimes? Honestly, I've had a {quite} yucky attitude. I feel stressed, worried, frustrated, tired. And I remember oh, yes...time to continue listing my graciously given {though not always graciously received} gifts. Let's see if we {make that He} can turn my frown upside down:

{20} Marker-drawn beards on little faces, even her's.
{21} Little baby with a toe in her mouth.
{22} Oldest coming in just to say he loves me, then hug baby sister.
{23} Sweet smelling jasmine blooming.
{24} The littlest figuring out how to eat {and enjoy} a cracker, smiling with pride.
{25} Unexpectedly coming across a card Dad gave me years and years ago signed,

{26} Knowing I'll see him again One Day.
{27} The cup wasn't taken away and He has overcome!

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” {Matthew 26:39}

Now I'm smiling. See what others are smiling about.

milla jean at 8 months

2011-04-15T21:18:00.000-05:00

Hey, can I tell you something exciting?

I am 8 months old!

It's going by so quickly. {As least momma says so.}

As promised, I'm {pretty much}on time with this post. My baby girl is eight months old as of yesterday. How the hands of the clock spin faster and faster I'll never know. I do know that Milla is no longer a little baby, although as if to spare me from too much {it's going too fast!} sadness, this girl is doing things on a bit of a slower time-line. Fine with me, baby girl. Actually, all of my littles have been late to walk: Elijah and Ella were both 14 months while Miles was a true late walker at 16 months. {Finally! I was 6 months pregnant with Ella by then.} I suppose Mil could surprise me and get to walking sooner, but she might need to start crawling and pulling up first. For now, she's just pleased as punch to be sitting up on her own!

and watching leafy shadows in sunlight

and dancing to musical toys

and having eyes on that cat

and playing some more

and eating and enjoying both yellow and green veggies equally, but the nose is turning orangey.

And using some consonants in her babble, mainly m and d, with her favorite combination being ma! That's my girl. {We both love you, daddy!}

I'm pretty pleased with how things are going right now. Momma is too.

Before you go, look how far I've come in 8 months:

See you next month, and between now and then ~~if you're lucky~~ I'm sure!

counting gifts

2011-04-12T15:08:00.000-05:00

I'm slowly getting better at remembering to notice the gifts that He gives, all around me, every single day. It's so easy to get caught up in the way the world would have you view life; counting up all that you want but don't have instead of all that you do have, all that has been graciously given. So, continuing the list: {#s 13-19}

How all three big ones were giddy over Miles' discovery of Elijah's long-lost DS. Want to know where he found it? Where it's been since Christmas? Deep in the sofa cushion.

Mils in these cute things called baby legs.

Streams of morning sun weaving in through the slats of the blinds, bringing light to the darkness.
A question answered in the perfect timing of my Father.
Waiting that leads to stronger faith.
A lunch date with my first born.

How he looks like his Poppa.

See Ann's blog and other gifts in lists.

just because

2011-04-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

{big girl sitting up!}

{photographed by Ella}

{Miles eyes make me swoon. Just lovely. But don't tell him I said that.}

i'm late, so what's new?

2011-04-05T09:37:00.005-05:00

People, the magnitude of my self-diagnosed ADD is at an all-time high here lately. If the medication for it wasn't horribly and ridiculously expensive, I'd find a way to sign myself up for some.

This very moment, I am supposed to be sewing. I need to be sewing most moments between now and Easter, but what am I doing? Blogging. And why am I blogging? Because for three weeks {3!} I've been meaning to post Mil's 7 month pictures. So, let's make this quick so I can get to that... or should I do the dishes next? The next loud of laundry? See what I mean?

{those eyes}

Miss Lou,

I hope you can forgive me for being very late on your 7 month post. As I hope you know, I'm doing the best I can. I'll make it up to you very soon when you turn 8 months.

{maybe a sweet bath photo will make you feel better.}

By 7 months you were able to get yourself somewhere by a combination of rolls. Very efficiently, but thankfully not {too} far! That will come soon enough. Your nose was also becoming a nice shade of orange by that point, although you do enjoy a fair amount of peas and some green mixes. Hopefully we can curb the orange glow before too long when we add some meat and finger foods to your menu.

Loving you even more,

momma

The one about the mosquito hawk incident

2011-04-03T22:33:00.001-05:00

Yes. You read it right. A mosquito hawk incident. It happens, evidently, and Saturday morning it happened to me. Well, not actually to me, more of a behind me kind of deal.

The morning had already been a little difficult. Miles had a t-ball game at 11:00 just after team pictures at 10:00 and, sadly, the yummy monkey bread I was baking was not done in time for us to leave. So, I dropped Miles and Jonathan off at the ball field and Elijah, Ella, and baby sissy and I headed to Hardee's drive-thru. {Great, now I want a steak biscuit.}

So, I had just finished telling them I needed the van quiet so I could place the order, and as the first words of my order left my mouth I heard the sound of terror coming from Elijah. He tried to keep it in check {for all of 3 seconds maybe} until he couldn't hold back and started screaming. And I don't just mean sort of screaming, I mean like being chased by your worst nightmare screaming. I heard him say something about a mosquito, so I thought "seems like an overreaction, but they do bite..." Before I'm even halfway through my order Ella had joined in the cacophony. {cacophony: n., pl. -nies.

Jarring, discordant sound; dissonance: heard a cacophony of horns during the traffic jam.
The use of harsh or discordant sounds in literary composition, as for poetic effect.}

It was a jarring and discordant sound alright. And no poetic effect took place. Mercy, me. By this time, Elijah had thrown in the name "mosquito hawk" a few times, in between violent screams, was nearing the point of hyperventilation, Ella's panic was rising. Milla joined in, obviously not terrified by the mosquito hawk, but by her hysterical siblings. And I don't use the word hysterical lightly.

I imagine you know what a mosquito hawk is, but just in case, and to prove my point, here's a little blurb about them {from the riveting www.a-mosquito.com website}:

There are many myths concerning "mosquito hawks". This is interesting when you discover that there are two insects that are commonly called this name. Both dragonflies and crane flies are commonly known as mosquito hawks, and yet both have very different interactions with mosquitoes. Dragonflies were not named due to their looks but due to their large powerful jaws, which they use to consume prey, including mosquitoes. Crane flies come by the name mosquito hawk due to their great resemblance to mosquitoes. To the untrained eye, the only way to tell the difference is size, as crane flies are usually more than twice the size of the average mosquito.

Now, this was not a typical mosquito or a dragon fly, so I can only deduce that it was a crane fly because it looked like this:

{source}

Also commonly referred to as mosquito hawks, crane flies resemble very large mosquitoes. Although it is rumored that mosquito hawks eat mosquitoes, that is not the case with crane flies. Crane flies do not bite people either, but prefer to feed on the roots of a variety of grasses.

Now, I know these guys are ~~big~~ massive, and they flop and lope and fly around without any consideration for nearby people {maybe because they DO NOT bite people?}, brushing by too closely maybe, but seriously? Hysteria and panic-inducing? My kids see these things in my mom's garage all of the time. They know they don't bite, that they are large and creepy but harmless. I mean, I at least thought they ate mosquitos. But apparently they can't even claim that. The poor things are big, loping, rather unfortunate looking, herbivores.

How did this end, you ask? When one {very} frustrated and embarrassed momma "saved the children" {in Ella's words} from the menacing plant eater. After juggling five drinks and a bag of biscuits, interacting with the very nice Hardee's guy {who did an awesome job of pretending not to notice the pandemic occurring in my vehicle}, actually laughing to myself {despite the embarrassment} when Elijah screamed "It's coming!!!! It's coming!!!!" And after he ended up standing next to me, Ella was screaming to get out of her seat, Milla was screaming because the brother and sister she thought she could trust have lost their ever loving minds, and her momma was yelling for everyone to calm down. {Have you noticed how well that works by the way? Yelling in an effort to bring calmness?} Alas, I finally did "save the children", wounded the crane fly, who had finally {after waiting his entire life I'm sure} intimidated some kids. He flew out the door with one less leg. Hopefully he was pleased with his moment in the spotlight, and maybe if I didn't wound him internally, he's got a grand story to tell of the hysteria he caused. A famous crane fly, he'll be.

And then we drove back to the ball park, because that was just the beginning of the day...

yay! for a friend

2011-03-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

Several ladies from the infamous Class of 1995 have thoroughly enjoyed renewing our friendships, and really growing them way beyond what they used to be way, WAY. Back. Then. And no, I won't go into why we are infamous {right, girls?}. Several live away, scattered about the South mainly {Erika, does deep Florida count as being in the South?}, with only two of us around here. This has happened thanks to the good Lord {friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them - can you hear it?} and facebook. That's right, God can work through facebook. And it shouldn't surprise you!

We keep up with the goings-on of the other families, are able to watch the little ones grow up in pictures, pray new little ones into life, help each other grieve over death, and pray. And pray. And pray for each other. What a neat thing we have, girls! I'm smitten with each one of you!

So, one of said friends, Tamara, just opened a brand new Etsy store. Yay! It's called CrazyMamaCreations. You need to go check it out for sure, but here's a little sneaky peeky:

I may just need one of these for my #1 t-ball player. {He really is #1 y'all!}

I have so enjoyed being able to witness Tamara's growing passion for God in recent years, and have loved reading of what she gleans from the Word, especially Lamentations and Isaiah. She has a way with words anyway, but add that to a heart seeking the Father. How lovely it's been. That's why I love the pendant below. It's scripture is from Isaiah 60:5 which says, "Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy." See, each pendant has a scripture reference handwritten on the back. And this radiant one has caught my eye - I want to be radiant because of Christ. So does Tamara, and the rest of the girls from way back when.

So, check out my girl at her blog and at her neat store. You'll be happy you did!

giving thanks

2011-03-28T22:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a long Monday. I am worn down because of the littlest's need for four of five pacifier replacings during the night for the last several nights. I am ready for the warmth of the bed, ready for several hours straight of sleeping. Not expecting it. But first I sit, open my notebook, and share my gifts:

7. How Miles still wants us to walk him up to his classroom at school.

8. The tiniest kiss {hearing his breathing in my ear} he gave me last Friday, just outside the classroom.

9. Ella's worn out ballet slippers, sweet new ones waiting to dance.

10. Biggest brother holding littlest sister during church.

11. Milla's laugh, and those sweet baby eyes that search for her momma.

12. Hearing a song, feeling like He is singing it to me, over me.
"My love is a light, driving away all of your fear. So don't be afraid, remember I made
a promise to keep you safe..." {from Keep You Safe by JJ Heller}

5 years it's been...

2011-03-23T09:05:00.012-05:00

since my dad breathed his last of this life. I remember the last whisper in his ear, "Go and rest. I'll love you forever." The next morning he finally let go of this life, just as we had to finally let go of him. It was then that the hard part began.

I miss Dad daily- not a day that goes by that he's not on my mind, in my heart. I wonder if he knows about our lives. Has he seen Elijah grow into a small version of himself? Will he watch as Miles plays his first season of real t-ball soon? Is he head over heels for Ella, and does she remind him of me when I was little? Is he as smitten over Milla Jean as the rest of us are - his last, spoiled, adored grandchild? Has he watched as my mom has learned to go forward without him at her side, because that's all she can do? Does he know that my brother has moved his family back here, and that he has it hard at times feeling like he has to fill Dad's shoes? Take care of us in Dad's stead? Has he seen me struggle and seek and pray and wait, find more of my Father... and ebb and flow, ebb and flow in that relationship? Would he be proud of who I am, who I've become since he died, because he died? Does he know of our leap of faith, Jonathan's work, the very work Dad was so hoping would happen over five years ago?

I like to think that somehow, at least from time to time, he is able to see what happens to us, the left behind, the still journeying. I like to think that not only Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Moses and the rest listed in Hebrews 11, but also others who have gone on, are in the cloud of witnesses spoken of in Hebrews 12:1.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Once again, I am in awe of the love my Father has for me, because as I started to think about this post, I just so happened upon a link to a Tim Keller sermon entitled "Suffering: If God is Good, Why is there so much Evil in the World?" So I listened and took notes and was ministered to and loved on by my Father. Still, there is no succinct answer all wrapped up neatly, but truly like the answer to all questions it is this: those who believe have hope. Below are notes I furiously typed as I listened, and he says it so beautifully:

"In Jesus Christ God became vulnerable and subject to suffering and pain and even death... on the cross, to our astonishment we see... if you've lost a loved one, we look up on the cross and see the Father losing His only Son... and Jesus screaming out in pain "why? why?"

At the cross we see how far God went to be with us in our sufferings. The cross can tell you that it can't be that he doesn't love us or that he doesn't care... he plunged himself to... infinite degrees beyond anything we will ever suffer so that one day He can end evil without ending us.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. ¹⁰ Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, ¹¹ trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. ¹² It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things. 1 Peter 1:3-12

A living hope (verse 3) is a power, a dynamism, something that really gets you through that furnace (speaking of our individual trials as our own personal fiery furnace)...an inheritance kept in heaven... the foretaste of it is the physical resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. That's the promise. The resurrection isn't compensation for the life lost, it is restoration of that life... this world, your body, your loved ones, it comes back... pure, unfading, imperishable, unspoiled...

I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. ⁵¹ Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— ⁵² in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. ⁵³ For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. ⁵⁴ When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”^[h]
⁵⁵ “Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”^[i]
⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
⁵⁸ Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:50-58

And we shall be changed... death has been swallowed up in victory.

The experience of losing them made the experience of having them infinitely greater. The experience of losing them had been swallowed up by the experience of having them, so that it was infinitely more precious. If Jesus Christ's resurrection happened, and it did...then it means everything sad, everything horrible is going to be brought up into our future glory and resurrection and make it infinitely better than it had been if we've never had any of those experiences and that's the final and ultimate defeat of suffering and death. Everything sad will come untrue and yet the resurrection will be infinitely greater for it having once been true, all that suffering and all that evil.

Keller quoted Dostoyevsky:

"I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage, like the despicable fabrication of the impotent and infinitely small Euclidean mind of man, that in the world's finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, for the atonement of all the crimes of humanity, for all the blood that they've shed; that it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify all that has happened."

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

Hebrews 12: for the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross... and Isaiah 53 shows that the results of His suffering He will see and be satisfied - you are His living hope, you - beautified, unspoiled, unfading, in His arms... The thought that you are His living hope will make Him your living hope.

Look into the gospel the way the angels do {1 Peter 1:8}, see in new ways what He has done for you, and you will rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory, and if you do your griefs will be taken up into His story and turned to gold."

I know these notes may seem sort of pieced together, but I wanted the words to be Keller's and not mine. To hear the entire message click on this link:

Suffering: If God is Good, Why is there so much Evil in the World. by Tim Keller

If you are still reading this, bless you. It's been long I know. These words have spoken such hope into my heart, and articulated ideas I had perhaps begun to have, but not nearly so beautifully and well thought out. My heart is so heavy as I write this. I am missing my dad. What I'd give to have those arms around me at this moment. But I have hope that I will see him again, when it is my turn to cease the striving. I have hope in the cross of Christ that makes death not the end but theTrue beginning. I have hope that "everything sad will come untrue and yet the resurrection will be infinitely greater for it having once been true."

I have hope, and so I have enough. And more than.

{Still loving you, Dad... your doll-lady}

giving thanks

2011-03-21T10:44:00.001-05:00

"...always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:20

I remember well the first time this scripture really sprang from the page and was written all over my heart. And really, it kind of got all over me, and I wasn't sure why. Just weeks earlier Dad had died, and I just could not wrap my mind around "always giving thanks...for everything" in a season of why's and deep hurt and the intense missing. But the verse just keep after me.

Soon, I discovered I was pregnant with my Ella, and Miles was yet to turn one. After the calling to my mom, crying and in shock, and after some days, I realized that this is why the verse spun around in my head like it had. It began a work in my heart. It began the long process of teaching me to "always give thanks...for everything." {A process that continues today.} I quickly became thankful for my unexpected gift {being pregnant}, because of life growing inside, and life to look forward to. I saw, not unlike Job although with much less catastrophe, that He gives and takes away. And finally, finally, after a long time, learned to be thankful even for my dad's death. How? Thankful that his suffering ended by the most wonderful healing possible, healing at Home. Thankful that his striving could cease. Thankful to have had him in the first place. Thankful because God makes good come from bad and turns ashes into beauty and turns sorrow into joy. Yes, thanks be to God.

It's not easy, this "always giving thanks...for everything," and so I am reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts to find some encouragement in the trying. I was planning to read the entire book and then start writing my own list of gifts. Enter the sewing of the Easter dresses, the schooling, the decisions, the every day whatever and I have not finished the book. I'm determined to pick it up again, actually in just a few minutes, but I no longer want to wait to begin my list. I have no reason to wait to be thankful. If I learn to look for them, there are gifts all around, every day.

So as I keep reading, I'll start writing:

Freckles reemerging on little cheeks and noses.
The hard-working man, sitting at this moment working. He'll be up late tonight {again}.
Sunday afternoon nap with my baby girl, after watching her sleepy eyes finally give in.

Blurry but sweet picture taken by Miles as Milla played with my hand and I talked to my mom.

Laughter with friends.
Reading a book to Miles {and thinking of the thinks we can think if only we try}.

I'm linking up with others making lists, counting His gifts:

what I've been up to.

2011-03-19T08:00:00.000-05:00

1. sewing. And I may have bitten off more than I can chew this time. I'm attempting an heirloom lace dress for Milla for Easter. This pattern has to be one of the easiest lace dresses to make ever, but it's kicking my tail. After this one, I'll move on to Ella's, which hopefully will be easier because Swiss eyelet lace is less delicate than the French lace on Milla's. Now I understand why these dresses cost so much to purchase already made. Yikes.

2. eating green ice cream. Actually I've only done this once and it was to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day at a local eatery. Elijah and Ella went for the plain chocolate, but Miles and I braved a chocolate and green swirl. Yum.

So, to recap... I've been sewing {and sewing and sewing and sewing}. It's taken my efforts away from most everything else {except the basic care of my children, of course}. The laundry and dishes are piling up. But this dress will NOT defeat me, so something has to give. Right? And one time I had green ice cream. The end.

my four babies...

2011-03-17T22:53:00.000-05:00

at six to seven months in each picture. See some similarities? Can you tell who is who?

Mercy me, how I love these four.

So...

2011-03-10T21:40:00.004-06:00

here I am again. Writing about the issue of school. Again. After much prayer {fretting and general worry on my part}, the boys have been invited to enroll in the school we applied for. And while Jonathan and I both feel that God has brought us to this point, to this place, for a purpose, I still find myself feeling a bit torn. It's the loss of control that I find myself fearing. And then my wise husband reminds me that I have never truly been in control anyway, and that honestly, the feeling of wanting control does not come from God. And you know what? Fear isn't from Him either.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Now, we also believe that God did in fact call us to bring Elijah home for this season. This time has been challenging, precious, faith building, maturing, and a time of growth {for Elijah and me!} all at once. We have seen Elijah's confidence grow as he was able to learn in a way more suited to his needs. We tried to walk this path without medication for his ADD. It was hard, and for reasons more than academics, we prayerfully decided to try him on medicine. God never said we journey through this life on a straight path, did He?

So we are now feeling the leading to this place, this specific school, for our children. A place where Elijah can receive the attention he needs due to small class sizes, and where he can safely learn to cope with the challenges he faces due to his special way of thinking. Those with ADD obviously have academic challenges due to the inability to focus {particularly on what they find to be boring}, but there are also social and emotional issues. And while keeping him home feels so good and safe in that I can keep close watch over him, there will come a day when I can't be right there. He needs the chance to learn even now how to handle his challenges without me always right there to fix things. I think a large part of that is allowing him to be responsible to someone other than me for his academic learning.

And for all of the children, because Ella will follow in 2012, this school feels right as it sets as it's primary focus to come alongside us as we disciple the children for Christ. Academics serves as the means to that end. As I see it, and feel we've been led on this {crooked} path to this point, this sweet school is going to bless our children, our family, as it prepares them to grow in wisdom and in stature. In academics, but most importantly in the Lord. And just maybe God will also work through us to bless the school, and others through the school, as well.

So, we are still praying about this being the right choice. We feel that it is and that God's hand has been all over this process. We have to let the school know our plans by April 1st. Will you pray along with us? And who knows? Even if this is the path for now, maybe one day God will have me bring them back home... He seems to want me to stick to that "Your Word is a lamp to my feet" idea. In following His direction, I have a bit of light for the next step, not a flood light for the next one hundred steps. He's wanting it to be day by day around here. Maybe one day I'll {finally} accept that.

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:8

This is what the Lord says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow." Isaiah 48:17

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Psalm 143:8

Elijah and I in front of the Tanenbaum screen at the museum of fine arts. Taken a couple weeks ago. Where has my little boy gone?

she's finally here!

2011-02-26T01:23:00.003-06:00

Remember this post about little friends? I'm so happy to share that little Addison is finally home. Read more about her airport homecoming at her momma's blog. Notice that Milla wasted no time at all in getting to know Addison better. She stuck her fingers straight into that sweet girl's mouth. Luckily, Addison didn't seem to mind one bit.

Can't wait to watch this little friendship grow. Welcome home sweet girl, we've been loving you for a long time.

You were made perfectly to be loved - and surely I have loved you, in the idea of you, my whole life long. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

So I'm sitting here thinking...

2011-02-22T11:56:00.004-06:00

that I am indeed not cut out for this. At least not ALL of this. I'm not sure how to be good at all that I am responsible for. Teach {and mother} a second grader, mother the middles and help at preschool and organize play dates, and mother and care for and nurse and play with and read to and {try to} catch up on motor skills with the littlest.

Seriously. And be the doting wife. And try {and fail} to keep a home clean and make it peaceful. And remember to thaw something for dinner. And cook dinner. And sew all those sweet little things I want to sew. And chase after my First Love the way He desires, deserves. It's hard, people. I feel like I can't be good at one thing for having to do another. Too many hats. I can't be all things to all people, though I sure do like to try.

And I'm so torn about where all of this is heading. Back in October, Jonathan suggested we consider putting the boys in school next year. He says that his job is to see what's good not only for the children, but also for me. {Poor guy... I'm not so easy to deal with. He's got his work cut out for him.} So we started praying and seeking and wondering. And now we are in the process of testing the boys for entrance into a {very} small, Christian school. One led by a lovely woman who once homeschooled some of her ten children. The teacher that Elijah will have next year if he is accepted and if we decide to send him, homeschooled her two daughters in a time and place where doing so was illegal. So they absolutely know where we are coming from.

I'm torn because I thought the call to homeschool was an all-of-the-children, all-of-their-schooling-years kind of calling. And now I'm wondering if it was actually a for a season kind of calling. The thought of giving up the control I have in homeschooling is pretty terrifying to me. But the thought of being able to yes, teach my children all that should be taught at home {values, love for God, faith in Jesus, listening to the Spirit, otherness} but not be solely responsible for their academic training is freeing. I am reminded that we are their first and most important teachers anyway, and realize that putting them in school wouldn't change that. And then the guilt comes in...

The sweet principal {and remember momma to 10!} prayed with me and even cried with me as we spoke. She encouraged me to be very prayerful, which I have been. She told me that she, too, had lost sleep over worrying that the attention given to the school-aged child results in neglecting others. But she said that teaches "otherness." On the other hand, she spoke about the positive aspects of peer pressure and how a teacher that isn't your mother can sometimes pull more, different, and at times better things from a student. The thing she said that keeps coming back to me is this: this is a school that does little advertising. They desire to stay small, and believe God has thwarted their past efforts to do otherwise. They have been praying for God to send families for next year that they can minister to. That need this little school. And I'm wondering if perhaps all of this - the year at the magnet school and the experience we had there, the two years home, our sweet little preschool, certain friendships, and more - has been to get our family to this place. I'm having an Esther's "for such a time as this" kind of moment here.

I'm still torn though. At times it feels like failing. Giving up maybe? Other times it feels liberating, both for me and for the children. It would open up time for me to pursue and study and serve. It would give them certain opportunities that just aren't a part of homeschooling. But then, it would take them away from me. I've even wondered if I'd be sending them away? Then that feels oh-so-selfish, even though I would never view other mommas whose children go to school in that way. Never. Do you see how torn I am? I'm fairly certain the Enemy is planning a field day on this one.

So, I'll continue to pray. It may be taken out of our hands - we have no guarantee of acceptance. But if the decision does end up being ours to make, I'm praying for that peace that only comes from God. That's how we'll know. And, as I'm learning, God changes things up all the time, and if He is leading us to this school now that doesn't mean He won't bring us back home in the future. {Even though I know He knows I like to have things planned out!} He seems to want me to rely on Him. Oh, how I try {and many times fail}...

And because I can't leave you without a few pictures... and to remind myself that although mothering is hard and endless work {homeschooling mom or not, stay at home mom or not}, that my cup overflows.

while you enjoy your oatmeal with peaches...

2011-02-21T09:43:00.000-06:00

I might just eat you up.

Milla Jean at 6 months

2011-02-19T09:38:00.000-06:00

Recently upon entering a room with this sweet baby on my hip I heard laughter and "that hair!" I forced the naysayer to identify herself and then we laughed together at this child's hair. Let's face it, it's so bad it's cute. Reminds me of televangelist hair. {Although that's never cute.}

In any case, it's nothing a sweet little bow can't handle.

Now, take a moment to enjoy these thighs and feet. I don't care what her hair does, I'm too busy being slain by the cuteness of the juicy rolls, the sweet cheeks, the tiny piggies.

My Lady-Lou,

At six months you are:

{finally} rolling over easily in both directions, although you STILL despise tummy time and get angry with me for forcing it on you and at yourself for accidentally bringing it upon yourself. Don't worry, one day you'll be able to control your own whereabouts like a pro!

You also are sleeping most nights until 5ish, when I feed you and then we snuggle back to sleep for a while. Last night was rough though, as I had to get up and reposition that paci no fewer than 5 times. {Let's no do that every night, thankyouverymuch!}

You have slowed down in your growth a bit, although you are still 70%ile for weight and 80%ile for head circumference. {It's ok baby, more room for that brilliant brain, right? It sure worked for your Poppa. One day I'll tell you all about him.}

You have learned to blow raspberries and find it quite fun. It is pretty cute, but Big Sister fusses at you for spitting. {It's only cause she's too old to get away with it now.}

And my personal favorite newness is that you grab on when we pick you up now, like a big grabby snuggley bug. I love it. So keep it up.

We love you, Baby Lady... let's see what happens next. Oh, and even if our wonderful pediatrician says you're behind on motor skills, and says perhaps I'm subconsciously keeping you a baby, I don't care. A few extra snuggles before the crawling away stage never hurt anyone, right? {But be warned: more forced tummy time is coming your way. Doctor's orders!}

eleanor is 4!

2011-02-16T23:15:00.003-06:00

My little ella boo turned four on February 2nd. We {joyfully!} celebrated this event for a solid week. Take a peek at some of the fun we had:

Ella's BFF, Lily, traded with Elijah {who was at her brother's sleep-over!} and she had dinner and a sleep-over at our house the Friday before Ella's big day. Where was Miles? Well, his buddy Sawyer's brother was also at Lily's brother's sleepover {you with me still?}, so Sawyer and Miles had their own little shindig at his place. So, it was an all girl {and one daddy!} soiree at Red Robin. Yum is right. More yum followed at home as we enjoyed a hello kitty cookie cake. {Sadly, I enjoyed most of it myself.} Yes, I admit it. It was divine.

Ella's actual birthday fell on a Wednesday, so we started bright and early before preschool with birthday pumpkin muffins and presents. I wish I knew what was running through her mind in this picture. Worry over the responsibilities of being four? Wondering if she was about to receive the lalaloopsie doll she's asked for {and subsequently didn't care much for}? In words that I've heard {all too} often from her lately I guess I'll chalk it up to, "You don't know!" and just enjoy the cuteness.

The following Saturday, my mom, my sister-in-law, Christine {affectionately known as Aunt Weezy!}, and I took her to a nearby tea room. She was so excited, but very quiet when we were first there. The room was full of ladies oohing and aahing over a little one's first tea room visit, so that made her a little uneasy at first. She livened up once they started clearing out.

Our hostess was very sweet to bake Ella extra cheese tea pots {cheese strawish cookies shaped like tea pots} and stick a candle in a brownie for us to sing to her {again!}. I think this was the fourth round of Happy Birthday To You for the week. Nope, fifth counting sweet Emma Dean and Miss Allison's version by phone. {We sure missed that girl for the sleepover! Colorado is a long way away.}

{I need to insert here that I so wanted to snag this adorable apron off her and run. I didn't. But I really liked it.}

Phew! Writing this post has made me weary. All the celebration was fun, but I might have sighed a {tiny} breath of relief when it was all over.

To my sweet Ella,

I'm so grateful to God for the gift of you. Thank you for gracing my life with your love, your beauty, your laughter, and {even} your spunk. I'm afraid you get that last part honestly, although I won't say who from. {wink wink.} I'm so blessed to call you mine {even though you are truly His}. I'll love you forever and ever, bunches and bunches!

Mommy

PS Read post below if you haven't already done me a favor! Thanks.

will you do me a favor?

2011-02-10T23:16:00.002-06:00

I write this blog mainly for my own purposes of remembering and catharsis. I love how writing is so healing for me, and many times I just have to get things out of me by typing them here. I do love sharing all of these things with whoever out there is reading, and so I'd love to know who you are.

I have added a little follower gadget over on the sidebar. Look over there. Go on, look! If you come by here regularly, will you click on follower? I'd just really love to know who actually reads what I write. Just out of curiosity. And, hey, maybe it's just the three that are signed up already. If so, that is fine. Either way, I'll keep on sharing my thoughts and memories. I'd just enjoy knowing who I'm sharing them with!

Thanks, and hopefully soon I'll get caught up on here. Ella's birthday, my newest memory verse... it's all swimming in my head. When I can catch more time I'll be back!

I remember

2011-02-05T10:18:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine just gave her sweet dad back to God, just like I had to do almost five years ago. And my heart hurts for her. I know too well the sadness and exhaustion. The relief of handing your ailing dad over to a healing God, for the ultimate healing of Home - no more tears, no more sickness. Yet I also know the shock, even though I was praying for God to take dad, to heal him, when He did I was almost like wait! Where did he go? Why did you do that, God?

For some reason I remember thinking but he didn't take his shoes! For reasons I can't explain, his empty shoes bothered me. Most of them he hadn't worn in months. But the empty shoes broke my heart. Perhaps because behind him he left shoes too big to fill. Impossible to fill.

I remember the fresh, raw hurt of mourning the just lost. It's so hard. It's like suffocating. It surprised me every time I woke up for a while. Eyes open. I'm ok. It's ok. Oh, wait...

I remember becoming a half-orphan, for that's how I felt. Like a good bit of my spine was taken away. So much of my support. A grown woman still needs her dad, even if she doesn't fully know it. It left me reeling. But there was Good to come of that...

for it was the loss of my dad that heightened the search for my Father. And though there is still ebb and flow in that relationship {remember? I'm prone to wander}, I've come to such a different understanding of my Father because of the absence of my dad. I can now see that all along the way my dad felt about me, thought of me, loved me - well, that's how God feels, thinks, loves. But even more. So much more.

See, my dad loved me big. He pushed me hard. He expected much. But no matter what, he was my biggest fan. He was for me. And I now know the same of God. He is for me.

That's a pretty good knowing out of a really painful hurt. Good always comes, but you have to force your eyes to see it sometimes.

So I'm praying for my friend, her family. For God's unexplainable peace. For the days, months, years ahead. That they will know and see and feel the good. That they will embrace the hurt as well, because in it they remember and continue loving their precious dad and husband. That they will know in the depths of themselves that One Day, He will make everything right.

As Sara Groves writes "Face to face, how can it be?" I can't wait for That Day.

One Thousand Gifts

2011-01-30T23:04:00.003-06:00

I'm going to go ahead and be honest. Is that ok? Because although I love my family with the fierce and tender love of a momma bear, I've recently found myself wanting. Wanting what? Well, more of this {time to rest, be alone, be with my husband, be with God, do a detailed bible study, exercise, time to sit, quiet, time to be "just mom"} and less of that {bickering children, schooling challenges, laundry, dishes, more laundry, more on the to-do list, "mom/school teacher"}.

And boy, have I wandered. You know, in the "prone to wander, Lord I feel it" kind of way. He's always there. Waiting. For me. And I'm busy wandering and fussing and trying and striving. All the striving, to try and fix what I perceive to be broken or try to better what I see that is lacking or try to plan for any day that is not today. To try to control. All the while, this wandering, striving, bettering, planning, is of no help to anyone. It only frustrates and widens the gap between Him and me. Make no mistake, He has stayed put, even drawn near, but I have been too busy wandering. And wondering, even - You called me to this? This? And you thought I could handle it?

I know that life is hard. God doesn't promise an easy life, but he does promise to never leave us. I know that much of what He calls us to is hard. But my struggle lately has been finding joy anyway, even though it's hard and seemingly endless, I want to find joy. His joy. Because it is His joy makes me strong. {Nehemiah 8:10}

So, I stumbled across this book. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And I've started it and can't put it down. Such beautiful language. Such soul-stirring truth. And I wanted to share it, because I think it's going to be that good. The kind of good you want to share. The bloom book club at (in)courage will be posting weekly videos with the author starting February 6th. I've added the bloom button on my side-bar.

A favorite line so far: "God is in the details; God is in the moment. God is in all that blurs by in a life - even hurts in a life." {p.54} How can it be that I learn this the hard way, by grieving a loss, mourning over dad, but still need reminders? To repeat the lesson? I guess because I'm human. Flawed. Fallen. But grateful for the chance to learn again. And hopefully, just grateful.

and this is love

2011-01-21T09:34:00.000-06:00

Christmas girls

2011-01-20T08:36:00.000-06:00

so I couldn't get it together enough to do a timely after Christmas post. {what do I do with all of that spare time of mine?} just had to share this one at least. my sweet girls on Christmas morning. get a load of ella's {very} lovely plate ornament she made at church. I tried to convince her it wasn't an ornament, but a door hanger. she was sure it needed to be on the tree, so you see where it ended up. what can I say? sometimes she wins.

milla jean at 5 months

2011-01-18T09:07:00.000-06:00

she's been getting so much {cute} use out of this hat lately, well, I just had to take a picture of her in it. It's been so cold around here lately... the hat has almost become a part of her little head!

my sweet baby lady turned five months on the 14th. Last week at an ear re-check she weighed 16 pounds, 8 ounces. The girl loves to eat, and apparently it's not half and half but heavy. we started her on rice cereal a couple weeks ago and she tolerates it most of the time and really enjoys it the rest of the time. I keep promising that soon she'll taste yummy flavors like sweet potatoes and applesauce. {that reminds me I need to get to the store...}

she has rolled over from tummy to back a couple of times, totally by accident, so she hasn't learned how to do it of her own will. if she could figure out how to get that arm out from under her, she'd be rolling from back to tummy. maybe when she's calling the shots she won't hate tummy time anymore. she's also been practicing the different shapes her mouth can take {in the form of toothless old lady smacking} and has thoroughly enjoyed the discovery of her feet.

over the last couple of weeks she has slept better {most} nights. I can expect to feed her sometime between 4 and 6 after which we'll cuddle and go back to sleep. she's a toasty little morning bed buddy!

she is totally smitten with her brothers and sister. I mean head over heels for them. it's so sweet. and {as usual}, it's going too fast, but I'm enjoying her too much to be {too} sad about it!

A (brief) moment of quiet

2011-01-12T12:02:00.001-06:00

So here I am. Waiting. It's quiet for now. Gloriously quiet. Jonathan is at a meeting. Miles and Ella are at preschool. Milla is (actually) napping. Elijah is taking a (bathroom) break from school. So here I am, alone for a few moments of quiet. I could sip it up slowly like a delicious hot chocolate. Linger over it. Savor it. But here he comes...

It's over now. Just like that. Now on to math... word problems for multiplying by two.

In these days where I long for quiet. For time for myself. I remind myself that one day it will be mine, in a home that once held loud and gregarious little ones. I know I will miss them terribly... so while I wait for that, I pray that I will savor this season. With all my chicks under my feathers. I know one day they will all fly away...

How did I forget this?

2011-01-05T22:54:00.006-06:00

I am so happy I came across this picture when going back through our year in photos. I had forgotten about it, but now that I've found it again, I'm not sure how I forgot it... talk about cute. This. Is. It.

We were heading back to the car after a fun-filled {big rig horn-honking filled} afternoon at a touch-a-truck event nearby. These "princess" dresses stopped Ella in her tracks. She just stopped and stared. Fortunately my sweet friend Dione told me to take a picture... I almost missed capturing the moment. {Maybe because I was worried about where our combination of four boys had made it off to!or because it was hot and I was pregnant. Your pick!}

To top off my {re}finding this presh picture, I came across a handy tutorial for how to blog with bigger pictures. The timing was perfect, I'd say. You can look forward to more {bigger!} cute pictures from now on. Aren't you so lucky? ;)

2010 {in review}

2011-01-04T00:26:00.004-06:00

I am thrilled to be taking part in the Living Proof Ministries' scripture memory challenge again in 2011. My friend Allison and I did it in 2009 {and had a fun trip to Houston to celebrate with our other friends Beth{Moore} and Travis{Cottrell} almost a year ago}, and it meant so much to us. Living Proof took a break last year, but are doing it again - how could we not join in? It's simple, really, to memorize scripture, but without the accountability of posting them twice monthly on the Living Proof blog, well, honestly, I'd fall off the memory verse wagon.

In considering this new year, I wasn't sure what scripture to begin with. I felt all scatter-brained. My hopes for this year are high. My concerns are big. I was all over the place in my head. But, Beth spoke right to me {well, actually God did} by posting this verse the other day:

I love it so, and decided to claim it, pray it, and memorize it and my first verse of the challenge. And it never fails. I've been through some really hard stuff. Really hard. But even then, His love is abundant. So, there it is, written in my squeaky clean, brand new spiral. That spiral and I will go through much together this year. It will get rough edges and may have torn pages. It's cover will become worn. It may be spilled upon. In the same way I will surely have some hard pathways this year. I may become worn, tired. I will likely make a mess of things from time to time. But what will matter at the end of this year, is what was written inside this spiral, and consequently, written on my heart. Thanks be to God.

Dear 2010,

Wow. You were big. And wonderful. And a little painful. We had amazing gain {sweet Milla Jean born in August} after wandering terribly close to horrific loss {Mom's very serious illness in July}. You pushed, pulled and stretched me. You were a year of climbing up out of 2009's scary finances... of being grateful to the One who never forsakes us... who uses every situation to His glory. Scary finances. Near loss. Amazing gain.

You had me asking for specific deliverance. And in your time, He delivered. Even wonderful changes can be hard though, and that's where I found myself very challenged. Sometimes frustrated. Often confused. But always trusting.

I'm sentimental over you, and will be, as you are the year of our {last} baby's birth. But I am excited to see what this new year will bring. I've got questions... and I'm praying. There are a few things that I'm just not sure what will become of. But He's sure. And that is all that matters, if I choose to trust Him with it all, every day.

xoxo,
Kristin

1 day and counting...

2010-12-24T09:03:00.001-06:00

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

2 days and counting...

2010-12-23T08:49:00.000-06:00

and picking out a tree is so much fun!

3 days and counting...

2010-12-22T08:28:00.000-06:00

and we love this nearby house at Christmastime. It's so lit up that they have a donations box and a wishing well to offset their increased power bill. The kids beg to go by frequently and so we do, and actually get out of the mini at least once each December to get a closer look. Probably later this week Santa will be there, albeit a skinny, unconvincing version. It just wouldn't be Christmas without Boultier Street. {Even Milla was duly impressed.}

4 months old

2010-12-21T16:00:00.001-06:00

Oh, my sweet baby girl. How is it that four months can pass both slowly and far too quickly?

At the four month check-up she weighed in at 14 pounds, 11 ounces at the 95%tile. {Look at those big thigh rolls... num num!}

We are loving this girl's smiles and giggles. I'm not sure what we did without her. Maybe one {hopefully soon} day, I can count on her to sleep through the night every night. She can do it, but doesn't always. We're starting to work on a nap schedule and she's trying to decide if she's on board with us or not. And she may never crawl because she detests tummy time. Absolutely. Throws. A. Fit.

I'm so looking forward to watching this one grow even more into the little girl God made her to be.

4 days and counting...

2010-12-21T09:00:00.000-06:00

and this was our first attempt at a gingerbread house. The kids enjoyed decorating it at my mom's house. Apparently it wasn't very tasty, however.

Elijah

2010-12-20T17:00:00.000-06:00

Remember these recently posted Christmas photos of my sweet first born?

My, how he's grown.

{please don't judge my sad Wii cake. he loved it anyway.}

5 days and counting...

2010-12-20T08:30:00.000-06:00

and this year's preschool program was as sweet as ever. Miles {who really hates the pressure and attention of performing on stage} did a great job as one of the wise men, complete with a few necessary hand motions during the song just the three of them sang. Yay, Miles, because sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to do. And Ella relished her roll as a little lion. She particularly enjoyed when all the animals fell asleep. Very cute.

6 days and counting...

2010-12-19T07:30:00.000-06:00

and this is Christmas morning from three years ago. We thought our poor Milesy had a broken nose here, from climbing out of his crib in a not-so-deft manner. It ended up just to be a very bad bruise, and the last night he spent in a crib. A happier memory is that he called Santa by the most precious name that year... "Sampta." Oh, how I loved it.

7 days and counting...

2010-12-18T23:07:00.003-06:00

and this is the one I should have used for our Christmas card, and I sort of thought I did... but somehow {my fault entirely} I ordered the first card I had saved instead of the second card that had this picture on the front. I thought I was doing the right thing... but my brain isn't functioning quite at top performance these days. {I wonder why?}

8 days and counting...

2010-12-17T08:00:00.001-06:00

and this was three years ago, close to this very day. Today we'll enjoy the middles {that's what I now call Miles and Ella} in their preschool Christmas program. This picture was taken just after the preschool program back then, when my Ella wasn't even in school yet. Today she'll be a lion at the birth of Christ. A stretch I know, but they go with the animal costumes they have available. I can't wait to see my little lion and my {very} wise man. I'll share pictures later... but you already knew that.

9 days and counting...

2010-12-16T14:20:00.005-06:00

and this sweet picture of Elijah's first encounter with Santa just happened to be taken on his very first birthday. Love it.

10 days and counting...

2010-12-15T11:25:00.001-06:00

and Milla kept me warm during this year's Christmas parade.
Ten days isn't long when there's still so much to do...

11 days and counting...

2010-12-14T13:27:00.003-06:00

and we had a lovely time at Callaway Gardens last week. We all enjoyed Fantasy in Lights, even Milla until about halfway through our ride. I felt her sweet little head slump down against me, having given in to the allure of sleep.

Our one big problem of the evening, the thing that almost had me panicked, was that when our ride was done it was 9pm. And we had not had dinner. Blood sugar was running low in the mini as we rode into the huge metropolis that is Pine Mountain. Subway? Closed. KFC? Closed. Local pizzeria? Closed. Family restaurant? Closed.

Milla screaming. Ella whining. Boys fighting. Nursing baby in van as husband is trying to gather some sort of dinner together in a gas station. Peanut butter, jelly, cheez its, plastic spoons, drinks. What? They are sold out of bread. No. Way.

Sweet cashier says to go to the next light. There we find the Huddle House. A lovely sight. Thank you Huddle House, for warm food in cold bellies. For elevating blood sugar. For a wonderfully fun dinner, even if I did spill my tea, narrowly missing the littlest lady. From now on, I heart Huddle House.

at the Huddle House

12 days and counting...

2010-12-13T08:35:00.001-06:00

and even though these muffins didn't rise because all the air was stirred {and stirred and stirred and stirred} out of them, I love this picture. This kind of "help" with baking makes things take a lot longer, but it sure is sweet. I'll just be sure to carefully monitor the amount of stirring next time.

13 days and counting...

2010-12-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

and it is so hard to believe that this was taken almost five years ago. Miles' first Christmas Eve. Dad's last. I miss him.

14 days and counting...

2010-12-11T10:36:00.000-06:00

and this was a fun day with friends two years ago.

15 days and counting...

2010-12-10T22:33:00.002-06:00

and isn't Christmas morning wonderful?

16 days and counting...

2010-12-09T23:09:00.000-06:00

This was our 2003 Christmas card photo. How is it this cute little munchkin is now 8?

And only 16 days left? I better get busy...

17 days and counting...

2010-12-08T23:00:00.002-06:00

and I love this picture of Elijah's first Christmas.

He was 21 days old. So little. That dragon teether is around here somewhere, waiting for Milla to need it.

18 days and counting...

2010-12-07T18:53:00.003-06:00

and I owe you one! We took an overnight trip last night as part of Elijah's birthday celebration, so I missed yesterday's post. I'll make it up with two pictures now. {Aren't you lucky?}

These are both from last year. The first is a 2009 Christmas card out-take. Pretty cute. A ride in Poppa's wagon with Ella being both pushed and pulled.
and yet another Christmas morning-in-pajamas-in-front-of-the-tree kind of picture. As you can tell, I heart this kind!

Back on the Advent photo schedule tomorrow, and perhaps with a few from our little bitty trip. It was so nice to get away, however brief it was.

20 days and counting...

2010-12-05T23:41:00.000-06:00

and there's nothing better than cuddly Christmas pjs. Except the three sweet ones in the pjs.

21 days and counting...

2010-12-04T23:35:00.005-06:00

and after six years I still love the preschool Christmas pageant. Miles made such a sweet dalmatian two years ago... this year he'll be a wise man.

22 days and counting...

2010-12-03T22:47:00.004-06:00

and this is the Santa I saw at the parade tonight.

23 days and counting...

2010-12-02T23:29:00.003-06:00

and remembering a little boy who once asked Santa for an accordion...

Oh, how I miss him being little. In two days he'll be eight.

advent

2010-12-01T23:31:00.005-06:00

I had planned to have a semi-homemade advent calendar prepared for the kids to start enjoying today. In typical fashion, it sits on the kitchen table, started yet unfinished. My next thought? Get it done by Saturday and count down 20 days. Will that happen? Time will tell, but it looks doubtful. Someone needs to finish a little sewing for the girls (and they only have 24 more days to wear these Christmas clothes!) and someone else is having their 8th birthday Saturday. So, with schooling and sewing and birthday planning and celebrating and the in general feeding and care of all these people... yes, the semi-homemade advent calendar completion doesn't look promising. Let's just say I have a head start for next year, ok?

I am going to do an Advent reading plan found on youversion.com. Read what I found there about Advent:

What Is Advent? Advent comes from the Latin word adventus meaning arrival or coming. The Hebrews looked forward to the coming of a Savior or Messiah—the First Advent. Now, we are waiting expectantly for His return to sweep His bride off of our feet—the Second Advent. The Church has been waiting for Him to come back from the moment He left the first time.

Why Should I Participate in Advent? So, what does Advent have to do with celebrating the arrival of Jesus? Traditionally, Advent counts down the four weeks leading up to Christmas. Practically, Advent reminds us to look forward to His return every day. This season is about resetting Jesus Christ at the center of our lives. After all, when He comes to take us home forever, we want to be ready. Expect to be inspired, challenged, refocused, broken, motivated, unified, encouraged, and most of all, expectant.

I love that: "expect to be... expectant." I'm ready to wait for Him, aren't you? I'll try and share some of what I glean from my readings.

And just for fun, I'm totally stealing this idea from a favorite blog of mine because I love it - I will be counting down the days of advent with pictures from Christmases past. Bring on the memories! First up:

Ella's first Christmas and her first baby doll. Notice she was feeding her baby a scrap of wrapping paper. Sweet girl.

an early Christmas present...

2010-11-22T23:23:00.003-06:00

is soon to be mine thanks to Shutterfly. I love sending out Christmas cards and really love receiving them. All those sweet little children, dressed up and smiling at me from pictures so carefully taken. It's just a part of the season for me. For the past few years, I have designed my own cards using photoshop with pictures that Jonathan has taken. This year, however, Shutterfly made an offer I simply can't refuse. In exchange for a blog post, I'll receive 50 free stationary cards. Thanks to Shutterfly, because during a Christmas season when I have a little baby adding {a little} chaos to our busy family and I can't seem to catch up on even the simplest of tasks lately, they have offered to take one task out of my hands. Whew... I feel better already.

Here are a few of my favorite of their MANY choices:

I am quite smitten with the idea of a folded card {like the last image above} this year. It's hard to choose just one photo, and this way I can include one or more on the inside of the card as well. And, just so you know, although I *heart* each of the above designs, I made sure not to post the one I'll end up ordering. Wouldn't you rather have a surprise in your mailbox in a couple of weeks?

Thanks again, Shutterfly, for making my Christmas a little easier already! Now, we need to dress the littles up and ask them to say "cheese!"

fall fun!

2010-11-21T22:31:00.002-06:00

So... Miles, Ella and Elijah evidently had fun while Jonathan worked in the yard yesterday. Especially Miles.

Santa's here!

2010-11-17T23:33:00.003-06:00

Last Saturday my mom and I took the kiddos to a {very} tiny and {sort of} pitiful early Christmas parade at East Chase. Santa was to arrive at the end of the parade, so we thought they would enjoy it. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get everyone ready and there on time, so I didn't tell the kids why we were meeting Gammie, just that we were.

When Elijah found out we were there to see Santa arrive, he indignantly {but thankfully quietly!} told me he was not interested in seeing Santa arrive since "he's not real." The {one} band that played was too loud for my hyper-sensitive to noise children. And only a small amount of candy was tossed. According to the kids {and I agree}, the parade was pretty much a bust.

Since we were out, I decided to drag my poor littles to another shop where we could take a picture with Santa for free and with my camera. A perfect opportunity in my estimation, since I didn't have to pay {a ton!} for a poorly taken, cheap print-out. Only thing I didn't like was that this particular Santa had a fake beard. Miles and Ella didn't seem to notice, and Milla didn't mind trying to eat said fake beard. {Gross!}

I just had to try it though, because this could very well be my only chance to get a picture of all four of them with Santa. I know Elijah, and probably Miles, will consider themselves way too big for it all too soon. Miles almost bailed on me this year, but I asked him to pretty please be in the picture for me, and he {unhappily} relented. As you can see here:

Elijah looks like my dad here with that big-cheeked smile. Miles looks pained. Milla looks bored {but so teeny-tiny cute!}. Ella looks happy. I love this picture though. Love it. These four will get so tired of seeing this picture framed on the mantle every Christmas for years to come. But I don't care. Sometimes momma gets what she wants. And {thankfully} I got this picture. Yay!

The three that can speak for themselves told Santa what they want, even Elijah who "is too old for" him. Elijah told him he wants a Wii, Miles told him "every remote controlled toy that's not for girls," and Ella told him a Barbie house. Seems like someone spoke for Milla, but I can't remember who or what they claimed she wants.

I snapped a couple pictures after the boys left the scene. Santa was left with just two sweet little ladies. Pretty cute picture. Don't you agree?

milla jean at 3 months

2010-11-15T21:57:00.002-06:00

Well, my girl is no longer a newborn. She came here so big and bright-eyed {and opinionated!} it seems like she wasn't a newborn for long. It's going by way, way too quickly for me, but I also love seeing what's next and joyfully anticipate more and more of Milla's personality emerging. She's such a sweet little thing. Not the laid-back fourth child some said she'd be, but she's just right - just the way she was created!

At three months she loves: mommy and daddy, "talking" to whoever will listen, listening to daddy whistle or mommy sing, her big sister and big brothers, naps in the swing, arms to hold her, warm pjs after a bath. She does not love: waiting to eat, being cold, being put down when that's not exactly what she wants, stop lights or sitting in parking lots {that car better keep moving or she gets mad!}.

{smiling at big sister!}

enjoying {a little} playtime on the floor

On the {many} days that I feel tired, looking at this sweet babe reminds me of what's truly important. And {for now}, it's not how tall the laundry pile gets, the dishes in the sink, or how our school days don't always go as planned.

"...the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

Happy 3 months, baby girl. Now let's see what happens next!

halloween

2010-11-01T22:42:00.003-05:00

This year we had a Strawberry Shortcake, an Iron Man and a Mario {of course!}. I was up late making that pink hat for Ella. She cried herself to sleep because the white hat {she had previously agreed to wear} just wasn't going to cut it. There was also some concern because her eyes aren't green, but I told her there are some things I just can't change... she woke up on Halloween morning pretty happy with her new pink hat and didn't mention her blue eyes again.

These were taken just before trick or treating. Miles so enjoyed carving pumpkins the other night. He said, and I'm going to quote it because we just don't hear this kind of thing from him often, he said, "I'm in a very good mood!" and that "Tonight is the best night of the year!" Bless our little moody guy. Maybe we should carve pumpkins more often.

And here's our sweet Millaroo. My plans to make her a strawberry {to go with Big Sister} just didn't happen, but she looked sweet in orange polka dots.

Now, if we can get rid of all this candy and start our detox. I woke up to Ella asking me to open a piece of candy and Elijah telling me Miles was having candy for breakfast. If only they knew how many pieces I've swiped from them today. I'll never tell...

little friends

2010-10-24T21:51:00.004-05:00

Fifteen months ago {give or take a little}, five friends sat on a living room floor and prayed. Fervently. Lovingly. Boldly. We prayed for a little girl, unborn yet born in the heart of one of us. And loved by each of us. God worked strongly, and soon Betsy and Chad began the adoption process and journey to their daughter.

Sometime in the middle {of the beginning} of their paperwork, Betsy had a dream about me. That I was pregnant {was it 18 weeks in the dream, Betsy?}, and that I was just getting around to telling people about it. Several weeks after the dream, I whispered to Betsy at church just after Christmas, "I'm not 18 weeks, but I am 6 weeks!" Betsy's reaction was so sweet. Such excitement, which is a little hard to come by when you're announcing your fourth pregnancy.

At some point we talked about and wondered, would her baby girl and our baby be close in age? We knew they would be relatively close, but the wait list Betsy and Chad were on was for a 0-12 month old baby girl, so it could be close or just close-ish {yes, I just made up a word}. And not knowing Milla's gender until she was born, I knew I wanted another girl, wanted Ella to have a sister, but I also wanted Betsy's sweet girl to have a little girlfriend close in age - just like Ella has Lily and Emma Dean. So, I loved when Betsy showed up just hours after Milla's birth to see her and hold her, thinking about our girls together... not knowing when exactly, but knowing it would happen.

So last week, Milla and I were out of town with my mom {at a conference for CEUs for my degree - yes, I keep up with all that}. When I was heading out of town I was on the phone with Betsy, who was #1 on the wait list. We both hoped she'd have her referral before I made it back to town. I was so thrilled when I got a text from Anita {one of the five of us} that read, "Betsy's got a girl!!!!" Oh, boy, did I wish I could give her a big hug right then. And as I held and nursed Milla, I checked my phone again and there she was. I had a face to go with the name of the little one born in my friend's heart so long ago. So sweet, so pretty, sweet chunky cheeks, bright eyes. And I loved her. Already.

She is only 16 days younger than Milla. Sixteen days! And, once again, God's timing amazes me.

Friday afternoon, as I watched Milla lay on the bed, kicking her little feet, cooing sweetly, I thought about her little friend. Was she also laying, kicking, cooing at that same time, half a world away? And I prayed, thanking God and thinking about times in the future... two sweet little girls toddling around together, side-by-side in nursery class at church, holding hands, giggling.

And I can't wait.

2 months

2010-10-14T23:10:00.003-05:00

My little baby lady turned 2 months old today.

I adore these month stickers for monthly photos. Sadly, I ordered mine from Canada and they didn't get here in time for any one month pictures. Really, I am still sad about that, but I will take what I can get and will have them each month from 2 through 12 months.

She wasn't crazy about taking these pictures. This little one came her with her own distinct little personality and set of opinions {and she lets them be known loudly!}. I wouldn't have her any other way.

This one was taken earlier in the morning when Milla was just taking it easy in the bouncer, sucking on her tongue in her sleep. I sure do love my sweet, floppy leaning over ears, chunky monkey Milla Jean.

Happy 2 months, my littlest love!

Zantac, take me away...

2010-10-10T22:54:00.003-05:00

at least that's what I assume Milla feels like when her reflux is bad. If Milla's not happy... nobody's happy, so we headed to the doctor last week to try and help our little girl out. A couple days of Mylanta, a Zantac prescription and a week later and we have a much happier girl for the most part. When she doesn't spit the Zantac out, that is. I tasted it yesterday and it is nasty. Poor girl. I imagine she wonders why I'm torturing her with the stuff.

before Zantac

after Zantac

I feel so bad for her when she's hurting. I remember well the burn of reflux when she was the cause of it... many nights I woke up, hugely pregnant, with stomach acid in my mouth. I do not miss that part of pregnancy - not one little bit. Hopefully we'll be having many more happy days out of this girl as the medicine kicks in.

a little fun

2010-10-04T00:03:00.003-05:00

Jonathan needed to work over the weekend, so I decided that the kids and I needed to get out of the house {and his way} for a bit. His new job situation has him working from home {have I mentioned that?}. So, we hit the zoo on Saturday with Mom and Christine and her boys.

Milla in the wrap. The stroller was rejected for a time.

sweet sisters

help from her biggest brother. made me smile.

Why is the playground the most requested zoo destination?

And how is it that my baby is already 7 weeks old?

watch out Elaine

2010-09-24T23:09:00.003-05:00

Jonathan captured some Ella dancing today. Not sure those ballet lessons are paying off just yet!

stardust

2010-09-21T22:41:00.002-05:00

"Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God."
-- Barretto

{thanks to Anita for beautiful pictures once again!}

one month of milla

2010-09-14T21:55:00.006-05:00

This is Milla today, post one month visit and the mild to moderate trauma of a heel prick. She did not offer to or enjoy sharing her blood. She also did not appreciate the extended period of the nurse squeezing her heel to get enough blood for the PKU screening, thankyouverymuch. But she made it through and then enjoyed a little swing time once back at home. And as she smiled at me I realized that, while I am sad that her first month has gone too quickly, there is so much to look forward to - including many more sweet smiles!

She now weighs 11 pounds, 1 ounce and has grown an inch in length and in head circumference. Yikes, she's a big one! When we left the hospital, Milla had lost down to 8 pounds, 9 ounces. At 13 days I took her in for a weight check and she weighed 9 pounds, 4 ounces (2 ounces shy of her birth weight). And look at her now - 2.5 pounds bigger than when we brought her home! That's my girl.

Isn't God's provision through a momma's body amazing? I found myself feeling proud of her weight gain - it's very satisfying to know that I have nourished Milla well. But I realize it's not by my power but by God's plan. What a blessing to be able to give to her and grow her in this way!

“With his small head pillowed against your breast and your milk warming his insides, your baby knows a special closeness to you. He is gaining a firm foundation in an important area of life—he is learning about love.”

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, originally published by La Leche League in 1958
"A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three." ~Grantly Dick-Read
"Breastfeeding is an unsentimental metaphor for how love works, in a way. You don't decide how much and how deeply to love - you respond to the beloved, and give with joy exactly as much as they want." ~Marni Jackson

I did not nurse my sweet Elijah. I honestly had no desire. But a strange thing happened. Of course my milk came in and I worked hard to dry it up. The moment I realized it was all gone, I was so sad, which was surprising to me. But in the back of my mind I knew that I'd give nursing a try with my next newborn. I'm so glad I did. I have very happily nursed Miles {through five bouts of mastitis and all over UAB Hospital, learning to nurse discreetly in public out of necessity when Dad was sick}, Ella {with thankfully no mastitis and almost to my goal of one year} and now little Milla. I don't pretend to think that nursing is right for every woman {I know some women want to and try and can't and others just don't want to}, but I do think it's benefits cannot be argued. God's plans are always good. He made me to be able to nurse my babies and I'm happy to partner with Him in this way.

Enjoy these pictures from Milla's first month:
Happy 1 month, my sweet baby girl. You quickly captured our hearts. Ella says you are her baby but that I take care of you. Miles kisses you frequently. Elijah calls you the cutest and best baby in the world. Daddy is quite smitten. And I'm pretty much wrapped around your finger. We are so happy you're here!

preschool begins

2010-09-14T12:02:00.002-05:00

Last week Miles and Ella began another year of preschool {Miles' last!}.

With a very proud big brother {with a smile that looks just like my dad}.

There they go.

adorable

2010-09-12T21:04:00.001-05:00

as requested...

2010-09-09T23:42:00.003-05:00

here are a couple of recent pictures of Milla. {Ok, so only one request for a new picture, but that counts to me!} They could be titled "sweet, sleepy, swaddled" and "humoring momma but impatient and about to lose it because I'm hungry." Enjoy!

Maybe soon we can catch a picture of one of her sweet smiles. She's giving them out a little more frequently each day. There's nothing sweeter.

us

2010-08-29T16:16:00.003-05:00

then {36 weeks}

and
now {15 days}

enjoying a quiet morning - just the two of us

one week ago...

2010-08-21T12:22:00.004-05:00

Milla Jean entered our home and our hearts.

God gave us another daughter. What a sweet surprise when Dr. Gentry announced "it's a she!"

Milla's daddy kept her company in the nursery for a while.

All my little loves together... the first time they met their little sister. Miles knew she'd be a girl. Jesus had told him so in two dreams.

My daughters became sisters.

Latona Jean met Milla Jean. More grateful than I can express for this picture.

Granddaddy and MeMe met their 13th grandchild and 4th granddaughter. From what I hear Linda had a very sweet, excited reaction to Jonathan's announcement of a girl. Too bad there's no video of that.

...that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:12

she's here!

2010-08-20T18:56:00.003-05:00

It's funny that the pregnancy ticker says 3 more days to go and my sweet baby has already been here for 7 days. All that worry over a c-section scheduled for this past Monday and we ended up having an early {surprise} one last Saturday. For once, I finally went into labor on my own.

I proudly introduce our baby girl {who shocked me both by coming early and by being a girl}...

Milla Jean
born 8.14.10
9 lbs, 6 oz 20.5 inches

As for her name, Milla we just found to be lovely. Jean is my mom's middle name, which happens to mean "God is gracious." He is, indeed.

a c-section it is

2010-08-11T22:46:00.002-05:00

Due to the enormous expected size of this child {ultrasound Monday estimated 9 lbs, 12 oz.}, I am scheduled for a c-section next Monday morning. We discussed several options, but what it came down to was possible trauma to the baby or me if it baby is as big as we think. That coupled with my doctor's concerns and the very serious tone of his voice made our decision fairly simple. Thankfully I've gotten lots of encouragement from friends who've had c-sections {thanks, friends!} and am feeling pretty good about the decision.
Jonathan found this heinous looking patent application from 1965 for a torture table disguised as a birthing contraption. Notice the net that is supposed to catch the baby after it is propelled from the womb by centrifugal force? Yikes. I know a c-section is way better than this would have been. Can you believe this was never approved? Or better yet, can you believe it was ever imagined? So weird.

Now... if only Monday would hurry up and get here. I can't wait to hold this big, chunky piece of my heart in my arms.

waiting

2010-08-04T23:05:00.005-05:00

Isn't it amazing that what starts out as a poppy-seed sized thing {and much smaller earlier} ends up as big as a watermelon?

That's right... I'm carrying a watermelon. Want proof?

{You may be wondering, just where are her feet? Well, I can't typically see them, but when I do catch a glimpse I am startled to be walking around on someone else's massive and puffy feet. It still takes me off guard.}

Yikes. Last week, at 36 weeks {when these pictures were taken}, an ultrasound estimated this child to already weigh in at 8 pounds, 5 ounces. Give or take to be anywhere from 7 to 9 pounds. Yikes, again.

So now we wait. And I can't help but wonder... how much bigger will this baby get before it's birthday? Hopefully he'll induce me no later than two weeks from now {at 39 weeks}... but going into labor sooner than that sure would be nice. I feel sure this baby is big enough... or too big already. But either way, I'm just waiting...

He is before all things...

2010-08-03T10:09:00.006-05:00

and in Him all things hold together. {Colossians 1:17}

I love how God reminds me that His Word is living and active and real. Sometimes I'd prefer Him reveal this to me in an easier way than He did this time, but I'm grateful for His love in all circumstances - it never fails.

For quite a while now, my aunt has been planning a six week vacation to be with Mom. She moved to be with her son and his family in Texas just after the New Year. The first weekend she was here was my last weekend for allowed travel, so we headed to Nashville with my sister-in-law. Mom has wanted to go to Carnton Plantation in Franklin for a long time, so that was first on our list of things to do. {The picture above shows the four of us there.} Of course, we enjoyed delicious meals and some fun shopping, although I couldn't tolerate much walking. It was a wonderful girls weekend away.

Mom had been battling a cold for a few weeks at that point, and even though I tried to get her to see her doctor before we left, she wanted to wait it out. Hmmmm... where oh where do I get my stubborn from? She made it through the weekend pretty well, feeling better some times than others, and when we got home she made an appointment for that Thursday to see her doctor. I saw Mom and Moni on Tuesday and I could tell she was feeling a bit worse, but was relieved that she had a pending appointment.

I did not see them on Wednesday. The little ones had Kids Blast Wee at church that morning, and then I came home to try and force some nesting or sewing or something. At 8:30 or so that evening Moni called me, and trying very hard not to alarm me, calmly said that Mom had been in bed most of the day and that now she was acting disoriented, would not wake for long, was answering questions strangely and had been blue around the mouth. Calm I did not remain. I was in full blown panic mode. I left immediately as my sweet husband threw snacks and a drink in my purse. I called my brother, who unfortunately was on business in Virginia that week. Before I was on the interstate {which didn't take long!}, I was on the phone with 911. They beat me to Mom's house. I can't even describe how she looked. I was terrified. They worked on her for a while and then took her to the ER. Somehow, God held me together in those moments.

At 3 am they moved her to the ICU due to very low blood pressure, telling us she likely had a bladder infection. Moni and I went home for a little sleep and returned at 10 am for the first visitor's time. She was awake and able to speak with us, and I had a definitely false sense of security. We saw her again at noon, and decided to rest during the 2 pm visit. So, there I am trying desperately to fall asleep, when Mom's nurse calls to let me speak to the doctor. She tells me that Mom does not have a bladder infection, but that she has sepsis. I had only heard of people dying with sepsis, not surviving. Somehow, I did not lose it on the phone. Dr. Lindsey said Mom was in serious condition. That she thought we caught it early, and hoped that it could be turned around, that the cure was strong antibiotics and fast and furious IV fluids. So much fluid in fact, that heart failure was a possibility. The thought of losing my Mom was suddenly the only thought I had. I cried and prayed and went downstairs to tell Moni, call my brother and Jonathan. Then I cried and prayed some more.

We put on brave faces for Mom at the 4 and 6pm visits. At 9pm, she was sleeping so deeply that we let her be. I went to my house to sleep in my bed, very afraid I'd get a devastating call in the middle of the night. Thankfully, that call did not come. At the 10am visit the next morning, the nurse called Dr. Lindsey for me, and she happily told me that "Mom was out of the woods." They had been able to raise her blood pressure and were slowing down the IV fluids. She said she felt good about Mom's condition, and began talking about recovery. The sound of her voice was so different than it had been the day before. I was so grateful to God. In a brief moment of prayer earlier that morning, I told Him that I know He is sovereign, that His plans are superior to my own, but that I'd really like to keep my momma here. I know Kevin was praying the same, and many other prayers were lifted up for Mom as well. I can't pretend to know why God chose to heal Mom here on earth, as opposed to healing her at Home like He did for Dad. I'd be praising Him either way, but I am so grateful to have the chance to praise Him for life this time.

Mom was in the hospital for two weeks, four of those days spent in Intensive Care {with an amazing nurse - an angel among us for sure!}. Now that she's at home, I have learned to administer her antibiotic through a PICC line, which hopefully will be removed {and unnecessary} tomorrow afternoon. Thankfully, my aunt was scheduled to be here through August 17th and has changed her flight home to the 25th. Mom is slowly gaining some energy, but has quite a recovery in front of her. Of course, her biggest concern is me now that this baby is soon to be here. No, she won't likely be able to help out very much, but I don't care about that. I'm just thankful that she's here. And that I'll have the blessing of seeing her hold her 7th grandchild.

Ella and Mom at the 4th of July parade

"You go before me, You shield my way. Your hand upholds me, I know you love me." This line is from a song we learned recently. Thank God for going before us in this {and all} situations. And truly, it is His hand that upholds me daily... otherwise I know I'd have fallen long, long ago.

us

2010-06-30T22:21:00.002-05:00

miles is 5!

2010-06-21T22:05:00.008-05:00

It's been a full four days of partying around here. Now, if only I could follow that up with a full four days of rest.

It all started with Toy Story 3 in 3D on Friday {opening day} - our family, my mom and our nephew, Kell.

Then after a late night with three boys {Kell spent the night}, we had a few friends and family members join us at the Kiwanis Park downtown for some {very} hot fun and cupcakes.
And today, Miles and I had a {just the two of us} birthday date to celebrate his actual birthday. We were enjoying lunch at Krystal's {his choice} at the exact moment he turned 5.
And tonight we had one more round of candles and singing and his favorite kind of pie - pumpkin!
How is is that my little Miles is already five?
Five things I love about Miles at 5:

How he falls asleep with books - usually the Jesus Storybook Bible... but he does still love his tractor books too. He will not go to sleep without hearing a bible story.

He is such a boy - tee ball, mud and sand, trucks and tractors, toy guns. He'd live outside if he could. And shoot things.
Those big, blue eyes. They always sparkle... either with love or, most often, mischief. Oh, and those freckles are to die for. I love them!

How I never know what I'll find him eating in the morning. Recently it was left over chocolate pie from a church dinner. He tried {with no success} to downplay the HUGE chocolate ring around his mouth.

The stunning self-portrait he scratched into a dining room chair recently when my mom was keeping the kids for us. She was giving Ella a bath. When she was done she found this:

can you see his sketch that he scratched with an icing tip? We were so mad... but I tell you the truth... I will never, ever get rid of this chair. I love it. But don't tell him I said that.

And he started out like this:
five years ago today we met Miles. Our lives are forever changed. And we are forever grateful.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Psalm 127:3