that even though things are difficult in this season, that I have been "fully persuaded" to believe God. I was on Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministries Blog earlier tonight, working to catch up with the scripture memory challenge. Whew! Procrastination is not a good thing, well, usually it's not. But as I was working, I came across one of the verses Beth chose to memorize, and had I read it two months ago when she posted it, it wouldn't have spoken to me nearly like it did tonight. This is from Romans 4, speaking about Abraham's faith. Like Beth suggested, I'll be changing the "he's" referencing Abraham to "she's" to make this verse personal to me.
Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
Romans 4:20-21
Will I ever truly and consistently not waver during trials and times where I'm tempted to cave in to fear? And I love this one too:
I cry out to God Most High, who fulfills His purpose for me.
Psalm 57:2
I know, I believe wholy, that God is working His purpose out for us in our current situation. We are growing and changing. Now, it may be one step forward and two steps back, mind you, but I'd like to think He sees it for something.
Thanking the One who has given us this day our daily bread.
It's as if this song, recorded in 2006, that I've never heard until tonight was written for me. Written for me to hear on this very night. Think I'm crazy? That's fine. But like I keep on telling you: I don't believe in coincidence or chance. This song was sent to me. Tonight. So I could be reminded of His love and how I'll still be standing in Him no matter what. We can't pay that bill? Still standing. No new side jobs come through? Still standing. Not sure when this cloud of money troubles will be lifted? Still standing.
Homeschooling is (very) hard work? Still standing. My son is "gifted" (so they speculate), but unfocused and (bless him!) a bit frustrating to his teacher momma? Still standing. My son and I both have ADD? Still standing, albeit a bit distracted.
I watched my dad die. I'm still standing. I will lose more people that I love. It will be horrible. I'll still be standing.
The devil attacks me. Over and over. Again and again. Still standing.
I get sad. Depressed. Feel lost. Feel alone. Inadequate. Not good enough. Still standing. It's hard loving people so much that it hurts. But I'm still standing.
If I (and you) stand in Him, then no matter what happens to us, when all is said and done, we'll still be standing. Praise Him!
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet Toward home, a land that I've never seen I am changing Less and less asleep Made of different stuff than when I began And I have sensed it all along Fast approaching is the day
When the world has fallen out from under me I'll be found in you, still standing When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees When time and space are through I'll be found in you
There's distraction buzzing in my head Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay But I've heard rumours of true reality Whispers of a well-lit way
When the world has fallen out from under me I'll be found in you, still standing When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees When time and space are through I'll be found in you
You make all things new
When the world has fallen out from under me I'll be found in you, still standing When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees When time and space are through I'll be found in you
When the world has fallen out from under me I'll be found in you, still standing Every fear and accusation under my feet When time and space are through I'll be found in you When time and space are through I'll be found in you When time and space are through I'll be found in you
We let Ella skip her nap today. Crazy, I know. But we'd let the time slip and we were on our bed playing with her and then she happily ran off to play with her biggest brother. She didn't seem tired. We all went on a long walk, and yes, we did see the tree that has a face. And when we got home, it hit. We had one super cranky girl on our hands and it was only 5 pm.
By 7 she was absolutely miserable, as were we, so we both put her in her pajamas. Yes, it took the effort of two adults to undress and pj one very mad little girl. She's a tough one. I had her in my arms, paci already in her mouth (I know, I know) and we were searching for "blankie" all while she was crying "I want my daddy. daddy. I'm not tired. I'm too tired!" Jonathan grabbed her in a hug only a daddy can give, and in the time it took me to get her medicine (ear infection), she was just about totally asleep.
I took her back to her room, sat in the rocker, said her prayer with her, and started a song. She was out before the first line was sung. So for 20 minutes or so I held and rocked my sweet, sleeping girl. Usually I'm so desperate for time to do what I want that I read, pray, sing, go. But tonight I just sat. And rocked. And prayed. I loved feeling the weight of her in my arms. I loved how her little hand held on to my arm. I loved her snoring and paci noises (I know!). I missed being so small that someone can hold you that way. And I no longer regretted letting her skip that nap. Few are the chances to hold that one still, and fewer chances while she's quiet. I loved every minute of it.
Will Ella be skipping her nap tomorrow? Absolutely not. It was so worth it today, but on a Monday I've just got to make more responsible choices for the good of the entire family.
from last spring
And about that paci, she has it only at nap and bedtime - I've been telling her that when she turns 3, it's bye bye paci. Maybe we'll trade it in for something really cool.
I really don't believe in coincidences anymore. So, when Ella came up to me so sweetly yesterday morning and said, "you my home, mommy..." it had to be God. I mean, she's pretty brilliant *of course* but she had no way of knowing that the night before I was given this Word:
Lord, You have been our home since the beginning. Before the mountains were born and before You created the world, You are God.
You have always been, and you always will be.
Psalm 90:1-2
I very much needed a pick-me-up and Ella delivered just in time. I smiled at how in that moment God was saying to me I see you, I know you, I love you... here's a tiny glimpse of how I feel when you trust Me. Hold on to Me. Trust Me. Always. You are her home for now. I Am your Home for all time.
when we go home, tomorrow," Ella recently said upon seeing "Poppa's office tower," also known as the RSA tower where my dad worked. (7th floor, facing his fave Chris' Hotdogs!) We see the tower anytime we leave our house via the interstate. There it sits, hard to miss in the crowd, not unlike my tall dad. I've really been missing him an even extra amount lately, for various reasons, but mainly because sometimes a girl just needs her dad. I can't think it a coincidence then that Ella has been talking of him often lately, other than the usual office tower sightings. A few weeks ago, after her near daily recognition of the tower, she said "I wanna see 'im. I wanna see Poppa." Me, too baby girl.
So when she said, "We will see Poppa when we go home tomorrow," what I heard was "we will see Poppa when we go Home tomorrow!" And whether tomorrow turns out to be sooner or later, glory to God that on some tomorrow I will see my dad again.Poppa's Princess
