did I sign up for this?

I just returned from the Sixth Annual Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Related Concerns Conference. It was wonderful and difficult. I've known all the symptoms, of course, but to hear them over and over and over for two days was tough. Now, the speakers I heard are all very much advocates of children and adults with ADD/ADHD. I heard physicians, experts in education, adults with the diagnosis and counselors who specialize in the treatment of adults and children. They said things that I already know. But they also showed me what life is like for my son. I wanted to cry, and did when I could. It was so hard. Being a momma is hard.

A high school senior had an interactive computer program to show what it's like to have ADHD on both auditory and visual tasks. As soon as I started the auditory task, which consisted of following directions involving different shapes and colors, my "virtual ADD" made my stomach hurt. I failed the task. I wanted to drive straight home and hug my boy. I still think I may have a touch of ADD, but not like Elijah. Bless him. Now I am left to wonder when and if and how to go about medicating and treating him. I have lots of praying to do. But my mom kept reminding me that the way Elijah is is all he knows, and he's a happy boy. I know God made him wonderfully. But I still cried.

Yesterday morning, as I walked in to the conference, I asked God to show me a true and encouraging picture of Elijah in what I would hear. After lunch He delivered. A counselor who treats these children, and has an obvious heart for them, spoke such encouragement to me. After all the "bad" things I'd heard - symptoms, outcomes, motor vehicle accidents in teens, incarceration as adults (yes, incarceration) - she spoke life to me. She gave the following characteristics of children with ADHD:

• creative
• artistic
• intuitive
• empathetic
• visionary
• inventive
• sensitive
• original
• loving
• exhuberant - {having unrestrained joy}
• have the gift of gab
• think outside the box
• dramatic
• intelligent
• playful
• passionate
• spontaneous

Elijah is all over that list. {Talk about wanting to cry for joy.} And I just adore him. I'm just not sure what to do with him.

She also had audience members read many quotes from famous people who live {or lived} with ADD/ADHD. Here are a few that I love:

• All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. {Picasso}
• I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. {Picasso}
• The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination. {Albert Einstein}
• Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. {Michael Jordan}
• The capacity of man himself is only revealed when, under stress and responsibility, he breaks through his educational shell, and he may then be a splendid surprise to himself no less than to this teachers. {Harvey Cushing}
• Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. {Benjamin Franklin}

So, I'm left with much to think about and much to pray about. But also with much to be thankful for. My Elijah will face many challenges, but I know his Father will help him find his way.

I was right all along...

While snooping around online for a Halloween treat to make for a little party, I found these. I will not be making them. Now, I will say they are artfully packaged, and I do love Heather Bailey's blog and fabric. I'm just saying, one of the many reasons for my intense dislike of pecans is their uncanny likeness to roaches. I've said it a million times people - pecans look like roaches, and here's the proof! But, hey, if you *heart* pecans and need a Halloween treat, head over to Heather Bailey's blog for this recipe and the printable tags. Someone will love them.

I've been reminded...

that even though things are difficult in this season, that I have been "fully persuaded" to believe God. I was on Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministries Blog earlier tonight, working to catch up with the scripture memory challenge. Whew! Procrastination is not a good thing, well, usually it's not. But as I was working, I came across one of the verses Beth chose to memorize, and had I read it two months ago when she posted it, it wouldn't have spoken to me nearly like it did tonight. This is from Romans 4, speaking about Abraham's faith. Like Beth suggested, I'll be changing the "he's" referencing Abraham to "she's" to make this verse personal to me.

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Romans 4:20-21

Will I ever truly and consistently not waver during trials and times where I'm tempted to cave in to fear? And I love this one too:

I cry out to God Most High, who fulfills His purpose for me.

Psalm 57:2

I know, I believe wholy, that God is working His purpose out for us in our current situation. We are growing and changing. Now, it may be one step forward and two steps back, mind you, but I'd like to think He sees it for something.

Thanking the One who has given us this day our daily bread.

Oh. My. . .

It's as if this song, recorded in 2006, that I've never heard until tonight was written for me. Written for me to hear on this very night. Think I'm crazy? That's fine. But like I keep on telling you: I don't believe in coincidence or chance. This song was sent to me. Tonight. So I could be reminded of His love and how I'll still be standing in Him no matter what. We can't pay that bill? Still standing. No new side jobs come through? Still standing. Not sure when this cloud of money troubles will be lifted? Still standing.

Homeschooling is (very) hard work? Still standing. My son is "gifted" (so they speculate), but unfocused and (bless him!) a bit frustrating to his teacher momma? Still standing. My son and I both have ADD? Still standing, albeit a bit distracted.

I watched my dad die. I'm still standing. I will lose more people that I love. It will be horrible. I'll still be standing.

The devil attacks me. Over and over. Again and again. Still standing.

I get sad. Depressed. Feel lost. Feel alone. Inadequate. Not good enough. Still standing. It's hard loving people so much that it hurts. But I'm still standing.

If I (and you) stand in Him, then no matter what happens to us, when all is said and done, we'll still be standing. Praise Him!

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3

Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

And His Glory Appears

nap skipping

We let Ella skip her nap today. Crazy, I know. But we'd let the time slip and we were on our bed playing with her and then she happily ran off to play with her biggest brother. She didn't seem tired. We all went on a long walk, and yes, we did see the tree that has a face. And when we got home, it hit. We had one super cranky girl on our hands and it was only 5 pm.

By 7 she was absolutely miserable, as were we, so we both put her in her pajamas. Yes, it took the effort of two adults to undress and pj one very mad little girl. She's a tough one. I had her in my arms, paci already in her mouth (I know, I know) and we were searching for "blankie" all while she was crying "I want my daddy. daddy. I'm not tired. I'm too tired!" Jonathan grabbed her in a hug only a daddy can give, and in the time it took me to get her medicine (ear infection), she was just about totally asleep.

I took her back to her room, sat in the rocker, said her prayer with her, and started a song. She was out before the first line was sung. So for 20 minutes or so I held and rocked my sweet, sleeping girl. Usually I'm so desperate for time to do what I want that I read, pray, sing, go. But tonight I just sat. And rocked. And prayed. I loved feeling the weight of her in my arms. I loved how her little hand held on to my arm. I loved her snoring and paci noises (I know!). I missed being so small that someone can hold you that way. And I no longer regretted letting her skip that nap. Few are the chances to hold that one still, and fewer chances while she's quiet. I loved every minute of it.

Will Ella be skipping her nap tomorrow? Absolutely not. It was so worth it today, but on a Monday I've just got to make more responsible choices for the good of the entire family.

from last spring

And about that paci, she has it only at nap and bedtime - I've been telling her that when she turns 3, it's bye bye paci. Maybe we'll trade it in for something really cool.

my home

I really don't believe in coincidences anymore. So, when Ella came up to me so sweetly yesterday morning and said, "you my home, mommy..." it had to be God. I mean, she's pretty brilliant *of course* but she had no way of knowing that the night before I was given this Word:

Lord, You have been our home since the beginning. Before the mountains were born and before You created the world, You are God.

You have always been, and you always will be.

Psalm 90:1-2

I very much needed a pick-me-up and Ella delivered just in time. I smiled at how in that moment God was saying to me I see you, I know you, I love you... here's a tiny glimpse of how I feel when you trust Me. Hold on to Me. Trust Me. Always. You are her home for now. I Am your Home for all time.