Ella is 3!

Ella at 2 months

That seems so absurd, really, that my little baby girl is 3 today. I'm a little upset about it honestly, but so grateful to have her in my life and excited to see her Father's will for her life unfold. So far, she is really gifted at bringing joy.

Her birthday celebration began on Saturday with a girls-only {much to Miles' chagrin} princess tea party. We enjoyed have 5 little princesses join us, along with their moms, two aunts and some other special moms. The girls watched a princess movie after their lunch while the moms, aunts, my mom and I enjoyed a nice, pretty much quiet, leisurely tea party of our own.

Today Ella, her boys {as she calls them}, and I had lunch with my mom and then headed to build-a-bear. Ella loved choosing her animal {a pink bear - no surprise there}. She chose the heart, kissed it, stepped on the stuffing pedal, and chose a Sleeping Beauty dress {and pink panties, of course}.
Tonight we had dinner with Jonathan's parents and then came home for our family presents and a birthday doughnut. Here she is wearing her Fancy Nancy dress {thanks Meme and Granddaddy!} and the princess gloves that Elijah wanted to give her.
I love these words from "Eliana's Song" by Watermark:

Baby woman, tiny in stature now
But your heart is a treasure
Little princess come follow behind me now
I am reaching for you

To mother a daughter, to look you in the eye
To know that I had everything, to walk with you in life
To give you to Jesus that He would impart
The wisdom that I'm longing for to mother your heart

There will be others to lead and to guide you girl
But only one you'll call Mother, the honor is all mine
To show you what a woman's like
I'm so glad you're mine

The tenderness of God is twirling around
In our living room tonight
Lighting up your daddy's eyes
And know that he just wants to freeze you in time

"The tenderness of God" is absolutely evident in our sweet little girl and I am forever thankful He chose to give her to us. Happy, happy birthday to my baby woman!

"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

for my friend

I've had such a heavy heart for my friend since last week. Wanting to say something while not having a single word that could possibly make her hurt ease up. She was due to have a little one just after ours is due, but her sweet baby slipped away and, in the words of my friend's mom on facebook, their little heartbeat went to Heaven. Know that I've been praying for you, my friend. This song makes me think of you and makes me so very grateful for the "sweeter song that calls" us Home.

You're Not Alone by Meredith Andrews

I searched for love
When the night came and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where I was hiding
and now I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name
saying

You're not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away your every fear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All of your life

You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone

You've had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home
saying

You're not alone
for I am here
let me wipe away your every tear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest nights
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All your life

Faithful and true... Forever
For my love will carry you....

You're not alone
for I... I am here
let me wipe away every fear... Oh yeah
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest night
Your darkest night
And I'm the one who's loved you all your life
All of your life

Jeremiah 31:14

says "My people will be satisfied with My goodness, says the Lord." {Amplified}

This scripture was brought to my attention recently by my friend, Jon, who makes a habit of regularly pointing out Words that I come to love. There's a long, long list of favorite scriptures. Sometimes I have no idea where to stop underlining in my Bible. Oh, yes, I'm an underlining girl.

I love this one for several reasons. First of all, it seems to me to be a promise. I love clinging to God's promises. There are many. Of course, life will be easy is not one of them. Neither is you'll always get your way. Neither is our happiness, but joy on the other hand, His joy is promised to be our strength {Nehemiah 8:10}. It's a bit like being little again, waiting for that really great thing that you actually can't wait for, but have to. I've learned that some, and perhaps many, of God's promises will be fulfilled when we are with Him. And talk about a promise! With Him. I really can't wait for that one. Back to this one, it seems like assurance to me. I know this is hard, My daughter, but you will be satisfied with My goodness. You will. Maybe not today or tomorrow. It may take a while, but it will happen. You will see that I have done great things!

During the past four years I have learned many things the hard way: God's ways are not my ways. I won't always know why. Life is hard, and we must hold on to Him if we expect to make it through. He gives and takes away. You will have to hear certain things you hope to never hear like it's malignant, it's serious, it's bad, it's not enough, it's back, it's over. And sometimes you have to say things you don't want to say like goodbye, he's gone, she died, I can't, I won't, I'll never make it, how can I.

But there are so many Truths to cling to:

He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. {Colossians 1:17}

Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. {Nehemiah 8:10}

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy. {Psalm 30:11}

For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does. He loves whatever is just and good; the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth. {Psalm 33:4-5}

The Lord looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race. From his throne he observes
all who live on the earth. He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. {Psalm 33:13-15}

We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. {Psalm 33:20-21}

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms.
Our God is a God who saves! The Sovereign Lord rescues us from death. {Psalm 68:19-20}

Can you tell I've been loving Psalm 33 lately? Look at that last one again: for each day He carries us in His arms. I'm so blown away by that. And so grateful to be His girl.

You may wonder if there is a point to all this. There is, and I'm getting there. Sit tight a little bit more. All who believe will receive of God's goodness, and ultimately will be satisfied. I'm sure He, like any parent, would love for us to "quit whining and be grateful" {as my kids often hear} sooner rather than later. I'm trying for Him. I have many days when I fail, but I usually just have a big talk with Him in those times. I like to get it all out. A couple of things I've received are just such obvious gifts, and both after deep loss.

Almost four years ago, I said good bye to my dad. I miss him every single day. Just about three years ago, God gave us Ella. Last year was a very hard year for us financially, while adjusting to homeschooling, and my aunt went Home to be with my dad. The day after her funeral, God answered a question we'd had. We felt Him putting a certain desire on our hearts for several months. It made no sense. It honestly seemed crazy with the year we were having. But it became stronger still, and we knew He wanted us to trust Him. So... He lifted us up in due time {1 Peter 5:6}... and is giving us something after taking away...






and I am filled...










with a good thing He has given us...









"...and My people will be filled with the good things I give them!" says the Lord. {Jeremiah 31:14 New Century Version}

happy times...

really did happen around here this month. And although I am saddened for those of us left behind, I am rejoicing for my aunt, my dad and many other loved ones who will celebrate Christmas with the Holy One.

We went to a Christmas parade early in the month that my nephew was in with his cub scout troop. Unfortunately I didn't get a single unfuzzy picture of him, but we sure had fun while we watched and waited. The kids collected more candy than at halloween.



We also celebrated Elijah's 7th birthday. We had his first sleep over. We had pizza, popcorn and cake {of course}! Elijah and I had a date during the day on his birthday {Burger and strolling at Eastchase by his request}. Here's a cool picture he took:
Miles "helped" me make the cake. And helped me lick the bowl! Yummy!
The cake was decorated to Elijah's specifications.
I can hardly believe he's seven.
Then, just last week, Miles and Ella had their preschool Christmas pageant. Here's Miles with his beloved Miss Sally {I want to hire her at our homeschool!} dressed as a handsome shepherd. He even sang the songs, because he'll do anything for Miss Sally!
Ella on the other hand, loves the spot light. She was too cute on stage with her little friends. It was so precious to hear them sing:

Bells are ringing, Children singing
Christmas is here! Christmas is here!
Happy birthday Jesus! Happy birthday Jesus!
We love you! We love you!

And then to awake the next day to her singing that.

And this last one is here just because I love it. It was taken at Thanksgiving. After the tough year that we've had {with this economy and losing my aunt}, I am amazed and grateful that God gave this wonderful man to me to walk beside. God has brought us through so much, has taught us new lessons, has strengthened our faith, has brought us nearer to Him while promising to never let us go. We are in awe of His great love for us.Read from Romans 8:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^k]"> have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. {28-29}

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? {31-32}

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^m]">neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. {37-39}

We wish all of you a very merry Christmas! "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

the sun is peeking out

I am so thankful that the sun has decided to make an appearance this morning. It's been a gloomy several days, in more ways than one. Last Thursday night, I held my aunt's hand as she took her last breath of this life. She was my dad's sister, and although they are now together again, their baby sister is here without them. It's very sad.

Rheba was diagnosed almost 14 years ago with Stage 4 Ovarian cancer. She should not have survived it, but she did. For nine years, she was cancer free and then just before my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she found that her's had returned. So, for four years now, she has fought and had treatment after treatment after treatment. Her cancer numbers were down. She was going to have a break from chemotherapy. Then she had a necessary surgery, that she was expected to recover from. Instead, her body started to shut down. She was just worn out. And her Father started to call her Home.

I'm very grateful to have been able to spend time with her in the hospital, particularly those last two days, which while difficult, also held a distinct beauty. I sang to her, read scripture to her, and told her I loved her. She also rolled her eyes at me several times, which makes me smile now. See, I know there are those that believe we didn't pray hard enough or with enough faith. That if we had, God would have healed Rheba to stay here on earth. I adamantly disagree with that stand. Could God have healed her in the state she was in? Absolutely. She had 14 years more than statistics gave her. The Truth is this: God did heal her, in the most amazing and wonderful way. He called her Home. And by His very hands He healed her as He wiped away her every tear. She is completely and irrevocably healed. And I am praising Him for that. Am I sad? Yes, very. But I am rejoicing for my aunt who will never again fight cancer.

God's word tells us that death is truly a good thing:

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.
2 Corinthians 5:1-9

Did you see that? We are confident... and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. Seems quite clear to me that the death that so many fear and want to be kept from by (their own) faith or by healing, is actually what we were made for. When we live our lives for Jesus, accepting Him as our Lord, we work to glorify Him while we are here, but the truth is that we don't belong here. Rheba has been "swallowed up by life." I take comfort in that.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."
— C.S. Lewis

So, the sun is peeking out. While the sadness remains, and will remain as I have learned, the Son reminds me of a hope that will not disappoint. The hope of a forever life in our true country.

My friend Jon sang this song with me at the Celebration of Life service we had for Rheba on Monday. Thanks again to Jon, Brandon and Allison for singing with me. I'll never forget it and could never have done it without you.

my first little love isn't so little anymore.

He's 7 today. Seven. Seems kinda old for my baby. Evidently that means he's not a baby anymore, but all you mommas out there know the truth - he'll always be my baby. I just can't tell him so anymore. {That doesn't make it any less true, though!}

We took the day off from school today and after leaving Miles and Ella at preschool, we had a birthday date. Just the two of us. His choice? "Burger King and taking strolls at EastChase." We also managed to throw a few minutes at Books A Million in there, where Elijah befriended a grandmotherly type lady {don't report me, I was right there with him!} and told her of all things his 7th birthday and his favorite books and movies. I seriously need to teach him more about stranger danger. What's the line between preparing them and making them paranoid? And he's so friendly. He reminds me a lot of my dad. He could strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. That skill obviously skipped a generation.

While thinking about Elijah's 7 years, and all that has happened and wondering what is to come, I am reminded {gratefully so} of a scripture I found a few days ago:

But as for me, I trust in you, O Lord, I say, "You are my God. My times are in your hand." Psalm 31:14-15

Nothing that will happen in Elijah's future is outside of God's knowing about it. Nothing is even out of His hand. That is a hope that will not disappoint. No matter what.

Father, I praise you for having our times in your hand. Thank you for my Elijah. Thank you for the hope he already has in You. I know you, Who loves my child more than I can fathom {he's your's after all}, will lead him all the way. Hold his heart. I give you praise and glory for all that You are and all that You do. Now and forever. In the worthy name of Jesus.
Elijah's momma

a light to my path

We've been playing the waiting game around here lately. In a few situations. Just waiting for answers, and if not answers then at the very least a nudge in the right direction. And unfortunately, I am ridiculously human as I try to lean on the Spirit that is within me, so I have had some quite impatient moments. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the daily stuff that I fail to see the important stuff. When I finally take the time, or more often when one of my great friends or my amazing husband make me stop and listen to their Words, I can see it clearer. Oh, He has been paying attention. He is working it all out. Oh, maybe that is our answer, or our little nudge. In His great wisdom, He doesn't make things especially easy for me. This forces me to cling to Him. Call to Him. Wait on Him. I know I write often about waiting on God. I'm sure I always will because even if I ran out of things to wait on Him for, I'd still be waiting for Him.

Since March, my friend Allison and I have been working on memory verses along with many "Siestas" on Beth Moore's blog. Twice monthly we enter a new verse we intend to commit to memory. Before I even got to it today, Allison emailed me just knowing I'd love the verse Beth chose for this time. And love it I do. So it is my #22. I'll just let Beth do the talking for a moment:

I've been thinking here recently how wise our God is. He is far too onto us and our severe cases of Spiritual ADD to often give us a sense of what is going to happen in a particular situation. He knows good and well that, if He'd just tell us how a temporal challenge is going to turn out, we'll take that answer, thank Him so much, and go on with living and give a rare nod His direction. He wants us to desire His attentiveness more than His answer.

Scripture describes God's Word like a lamp to our feet. In other words, God normally - and wisely - shines just enough clear light to help us take the very next step when it's time. Imagine how far you could hold a lamp out in front of you as you walk a dim path in the forest. That's what you're promised as the most normal experience in your believing journey. Don't get me wrong. He tells us volumes about how things will ultimately turn out but, much of the time in our temporal challenges, He simply asks us to trust Him and let Him sustain us and lead us one day at a time. "Give us this day our daily bread."

I love Proverbs 8:34 because it describes the blessed person who has her ear pressed against the door of Heaven. The blessed person who watches daily at His gates. She is the woman who will hear, not only direction for the next step when the time comes but, priceless treasures, promises and truths of all sorts because she's not so distracted with her own answer that she misses the marvels of other revelations.

God is so wise.

"Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my door." Proverbs 8:34 NAS

I just love it. I know deep inside that the hardest times of my life so far have been when He especially pours Himself out over me. I am thankful, even for the waiting we are currently involved in. In one situation He is working to humble us and have us depend on Him alone. In another He is working to mature us in our faith and His Word. And in another He is leading us by putting something on our hearts as we seek His will. While we feel his nudging, we wait for the full reveal. Instead of being impatient, I just want to revel in His love. That's hard for me, but I want to try. And as I try He will speak over me "priceless treasures, promises and truths of all sorts." I wouldn't miss that for anything.