Wednesday, May 9, 2012

to mom

I remember you there. Just that - simply that you were always there. And I remember just wanting to be with you. And now that I have two littles out of four that just always want to be with me {like how I can't even use the restroom in solitude}, I can see it all so differently...

And so, I want to thank you for so much. Not only for all that you've done, but for who you've been for us. I know now that mothering is hard and endless and usually thankless work. It's not something you can leave at your desk, it will not wait for tomorrow. Even after the kids are in bed, a mother's mind keeps turning. At times her heart keeps aching. Tears fall. The little people that you work so hard to bring forth, to raise up, to nurture, teach and love - their needs can be too much, their hurts become your very own, they can all at once fill you with more love and more fear than you've ever known.

And what is there, then, for a mother to do? As Ann wrote in her post, "A mother cups her brood not with leftovers - but with her own sacrifice." A mother loves wide, hard, deep, offering so much of herself along the way. And she struggles with the did I give enoughs and the did I do enoughs and the am I enoughs? And at the end of a hard day, she faces knowing that she will get up and do it all again tomorrow. And all along, there is much joy and much hard, and the combination of it all and the knowing how to handle it all is... well, it's just hard.

But you showed me what it looks like to give of yourself until almost nothing is left. And the next day you would get back up and do it all again for us. Some days it was easier than others, and some days were happier than others, but each day you did it just the same. The endless work, the encouragement, the care, the daily plodding along - you were always there. You still are. You still give more of yourself than you likely want to at times, and now it's not to two (or three including Dad), but to eleven all counted - children and children-in-law and grandchildren. You give to us of yourself, of your heart and all for joy. Again and again.

How do I thank you?

Ann shared that "mother ducks pick feathers from their chests to line their nests." From there, close to the heart? "She lines the nest with bits of herself - the best of herself." Do you know this describes you? Our childhood home, though not perfect, was made with bits of you. It was made with the best of you. I only hope one day my little ones, when they are no longer little, will feel I did the same for them.

Thank you for giving yourself for us. And here's a really amazing thing... because of your gift to me, the giving of yourself, a mother and child in need in Haiti will be blessed. By giving of yourself, to your own {then and now}, you are also giving to someone far away who you've never met.

Isn't it amazing how love can grow wings and fly?...

This post is part of The 1000 Moms Project:

1000 Moms Project