how can it be?

September 12, 2010 

September 14, 2011

"...no little girl can stop her world to wait for me..." {Natalie Merchant}

ten years later...

as seen by six-year-old Miles during our 9-11 remembrance service at church. "Sorry about the buildings."

Milla Jean is one!

So my baby girl did it - she turned one! Without my permission, actually, but she went right ahead and did it anyway. How does this keep happening to me? My babies growing up? When thinking of Milla's party, the decisions went like this:

• {1} Make a peg-doll-Milla cake topper.
• {2} MUST make a ruffle cake.
• {3} Pink, pink, pink!

Am I ever thankful for the internet where all of my inspiration and how-to instructions come from. I was pretty intimidated by the ruffle icing, but just had to give it a shot, and you know what? It was so easy {and fun!}. If you are curious, find the peg doll tutorial here and a ruffle icing how-to video here.

And a shout out to super Anita, who took these lovely photos of the cake and decorations. No photoshopping here, folks, just talent. {I  did get a bit photoshop happy down there on the birthday girl pictures, but I just have so much fun with actions.} But that Anita, she just worked magic with these up here all by herself.



Of course I have to thank my mom for lots of help {lots!}... she made raspberry oatmeal bars, arranged flowers, and helped clean. {Thanks, Mom!}



And here is the precious birthday Milla Jean! She really wanted to grab hold of the candle or the flame or something, so aside from a little danger, she enjoyed us singing happy birthday. Well, she wasn't bothered by the actual danger, but by how I wouldn't let her get her little hands on that candle. We actually sang twice because her big bro Miles accidentally blew out her candle with the party blower thing. {What are those called?}



She needed a little help trying the actual cake and not just the icing. Some people like the icing. Some people like the cake. I like both, and I think she did, too!

The whole family at our {last} first birthday party. This picture will be hanging on my wall soon.

Happy birthday to my sweet Jeannie-girl! It's been a precious, too-fast, wonderful year of loving you, though I'm sure I've loved you forever. I'm so happy you've been given to us.

school boys

The transition from homeschool {for Elijah and me} and preschool {for Miles} has gone pretty well so far. We've now got 12 school days under our belts, and with the exception of Elijah forgetting to copy down a few homework assignments and me forgetting his focus medicine once, it's been great. Miles may not admit it, but he's happy to go to school each day. And Elijah is really happy. I'm still struggling ever so slightly with handing him over, it's a control thing... but I can already see how much he needs to own his days, his work, a bit more than he could when I was momma-teacher.

I was a nervous wreck {on the inside!} that first morning. During chapel, which started the day, Elijah leaned over and patted me on the back. He had no problem heading to his new classroom, meeting his new teacher. I had a hard time leaving him, and Miles too, but they did great. God sent comfort and confirmation to me through the words of the wonderful principal, Mrs. Stewart, during chapel. She reminded us all that it is God Who ordains our days, that He intended for our children to be at this place at this time. She gave a charge to the teachers to teach the children well, to help the children from being tossed about by the wind or waves of deceiving doctrine. She gave a charge to the students to work as unto the Lord. Heaven helped me {as it always does!}, to leave with a fresh knowing that our decision was made in Him. He knows how much I need reminding. {Thank you, Lord.}

So now we rise early, we learn in a different place, a different way, we wait and we anticipate all of the good that is to come in this new season...

Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left.
Isaiah 30:21

our trip in pictures {and a few words}

We were blessed, indeed,

with the opportunity to take

a wonderful vacation in Florida.

We are so thankful for God's provision

of this time through friends.

We played in the sand

and in the sea.

We had one {very} hot day, {very} fun day

riding, seeing, surprising! {We told the kids about our day at the Magic Kingdom on the ride there.}

And this baby loved the waves on her toes.

Thankful.

Now, to attempt to catch up a little on sharing the counted gifts. Have still been counting, but have gotten behind on sharing them here, which will explain the outdated seeming parts:

• {73} An old man asks Jonathan for a few dollars for something to eat, but we can only find one dollar between us. He makes a sandwich for the man, filling a bag with a few things. Miles comes to the kitchen with two dollars and some change. All the money he had, he gave away.
• {74} Ella missing Miles as he attends a neighborhood VBS she's not old enough for. "He has VBS the next day adain?"
• {74} Miles trying to encourage Ella just before her last swim lesson - she was crying and anxious and had asked for piggy tails. "Oh, you look so pretty!" was part of the pep talk.
• {75} Miles telling me that Matthew and Luke are in the middle of the bible, then he says "some stories are still being written." {On his 6th birthday-eve}
• {76}Rain over a thirsty, dry area.
• {77} A cold pack wrapped around a sprained ankle, my man telling me to rest.
• {78} Elijah and Ella sitting close, video on my iPhone, his head on her shoulder.
• {79} Miles and his dad working on a hot wheel track together {birthday gift!} together.
• {80} A sleeping Milla in my lap, weighty, warm.
• {81} Beautiful, powerful heat lightning.
• {82} Tall, puffy, cotton-ball clouds. Bright white on blue skies.
• {83} Being in the Pike Road 4th of July Parade with Elijah, Miles, Ella, Kell and Ian {my nephews}. Fun!
• {84} Spurgeon's words: "We have been in many trials, but we have never yet been cast where we could not find in our God all that we needed." See Isaiah 26:4
• {85} A date with Milesy.
• {86} Falling in love with him all over again!

To be continued. Not caught up, but still counting...

See what others thank Him for at Ann's

where we've been...

a few Floridian places. More to come...

flashback friday

Soon, all too soon, it will happen. My baby will turn one.

31 weeks

36 weeks

She had quite the presence, even before she lived a single day.

Isn't it amazing, how I've loved her forever?

milla jean at 11 months

Pssst... it's me, Milla Jean.

I'm so excited

while momma is feeling sentimental

because I'm 11 months old!

Notice the path of destruction behind me. I did that myself.

I plundered this cheez-it from the floor. Yes, I did and I rather enjoyed it.

Ella took a picture of momma and me.

And another. Excuse me while I eat this necklace. What? Don't worry, I put everything in my mouth.

All I know is that I am just happy to be here. If I could only get my hands on this birthday cake momma keeps telling me about...

5 minute Friday: loss

I've been MIA around here lately. The days of summer have been busy, busy. One month from today my boys will start a new school, and there is much to be done by then, especially preparing myself for their going. But when I saw that Gypsy Mama's 5 minute Friday today is on loss, I had to take a few minutes to write. The typical rule is 5 minutes, but today she gave permission for more time as needed. We'll see, here goes

I relate well to CS Lewis' quote, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." I had no idea the absolute fear that would take hold of me after my dad died. I was afraid of so much, too much, but in particular I was afraid of living life without my dad.

 I didn't know what deep loss felt like until he was gone. And how it truly would feel like I actually lost him, almost like he was misplaced, or kidnapped. Because it takes a while to really accept, really know that someone is gone. It takes a while before you stop thinking about calling them on the phone, before you can delete their email address from your list of contacts, or their number from your cell phone. It's like holding on to the last little bits of them will keep them real to you. We only recently changed my mom's voice mail from his voice.

One minute he was there, and a few minutes later he was gone. Just like that. Quiet, peaceful, here and then gone. I had prayed for his release, relief, ultimate healing. But then wondered why he was gone? Where had he gone? And would for long months wonder these things. Now, I know where really, There, with Him, Home... but I wanted to know distance, travel time, route. Proximity to me. I struggled so hard. Felt his absence so deep, the losing him. But it was my loss, and now I can write with a smile across my face, that my loss was his gain. The loss still stings, and the missing continues and will, but his gain is real and true. And I have found that knowing this, feeling this as deep as my grief, the hope of Where he is, of Who he is with, the promise of being with him and Him myself One day, it carries me.

All loss will One day become nothing but gain. Sorrow will become joy. Mourning will turn to dancing. Grasping to this hope begins to heal the deep loss...

{15 minutes give or take a little}

wonder

Here goes another five minute friday: the topic is wonder.

GO.I wonder how it is that I deserve the gift of you. How it is that you were knit together in my womb. How it is that every day was recorded before one of them came to be.

I wonder how it is He decided to make your ears flop over sweetly, to make you look so like your little big brother, yet be so perfectly dainty.

I wonder how it has already been more than 10 months of you, my sweet little baby? How has it passed so quickly? Weren't you just inside, stretching me further than I thought possible? How is it that you now stretch the heart further than I imagined could be - making me a momma with enough heart for four.

And I wonder, how is it that we ever lived without you, Milla Jean?
STOP.

those feet get me every. time. we love how you hold onto us with them.

hey ladybug, whatcha looking at?

oh, I see.

sharing.

Jeannie-girl,

this has been a big time for you! You are officially on the move. You can get to the far reaches of the house all by yourself. Although this is an exciting development {since six weeks ago I was worried you'd never crawl!}, it's also troubling due to my {less than} desirable house-keeping skills. So far we make it work by shutting you out of certain rooms, and constantly looking for those tiny choking hazards, which reminds me of having to do a modified heimlech on you recently. Not. Fun.

You are working on cutting four top teeth. Seriously? Must you cut four all at once and all too soon look like a grown woman? Well, not really a grown woman, but still, older than I'm ready for in such a short time. Slow up on the teeth sprouting a bit, ok?

Since you are now independently mobile, you have no time or desire for the exersaucer or the walker. And wow, do you display that temper if we try. Only occasionally do you humor us briefly on this matter. That's ok, places to go and things to do, right?

We love you, you sweet and spicy little thing. Forever and ever.

big yawn. cutting four teeth and crawling all over creation will make one tired I suppose.