88 more days?!!

week 27 cauliflower size
So, my pregnancy ticker over there says 88 days left before our due date. That's not very long, is it? Now, I think of the long, hot days of summer that lie ahead of me. My three {precious!} children, who have no tolerance of my lack of energy and general slowness these days, are wanting to be on the go. Every day. Yikes. That seems like a long summer, but then I think in 88 days {or likely less} our new little will arrive. And that is both exciting and a little terrifying. Four. Children. Wow. But I'm claiming this promise for the summer and for adding our new baby to our home: "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated... because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." {Deuteronomy 31:6} What would I do without Him?

Oh, and the other day I had my first "Oh, you are about to pop any day aren't you?" comment. I'm so happy to play the part of sidewalk entertainment for passersby. Nice.

remembering and knowing

I have a memory of a night many years ago when I was a little girl. I was sleeping peacefully in my sort of tall bed when suddenly I woke up screaming. Loud, terrified screaming. I woke up somehow clinging with one arm and one leg on my bed and the other arm and leg trying to keep hold on the wall. I was about to fall into that deep, dark space between the bed and the wall. I was holding on as best as I could, but was quickly losing grasp. And then he came to save me. My dad quickly came to my rescue, scooping me up out of my fear, and making things right again. I was so relieved when he came through my door, knowing I could almost let go.

There's nothing quite like strong, safe arms when things get scary. Like that night long ago, or like one of my husband's wonderful hugs when I am overwhelmed, afraid, anxious or sad. Back then with my dad and now with my husband, if I let myself let go, my fears and concerns can melt away, even if just for a time. It is the same, and much more so with God. I know He must long to be our comfort and promises to care for us like no one else can. And although I miss Dad's strong hugs, and love my husband's hugs {because let's face it, someone with skin can be easier to receive comfort from than a spirit} I am striving to receive what only God can provide. I want that. That's where true peace is found. And I need it.

I've been thinking on this scripture that came to me last week in a daily devotional:

"The beloved of the Lord shall ^a]">dwell in safety by Him; He covers him all the day long, and makes His dwelling between his shoulders." Deuteronomy 33:12

If I am willing, I will feel Him cover me "all the day long." How very amazing is that? And I am striving for an Abraham-like faith as seen in these verses that I love:

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20-21

I am claiming these verses in this season, when I am feeling sad and overwhelmed. Sad because one of my best friends is moving ({very} far away. This week. We've known since January and I guess I tried to put off the realization of it. Now it's here. It's happening. And I am so sad. But grateful that God promises to turn sorrow into joy {Jeremiah 31:13}. At this point, I'm not sure how He will do this, but I am "fully persuaded" that He will. I'm overwhelmed because in three months I'll have four babies. I know without a doubt that God called us to have this baby. He has confirmed His timing already in more ways than one. But as the time approaches I wonder just how I will manage all of my little ones. But again, I am "fully persuaded" that He will be sufficient for me during the transition and forever.

So, I will remember that night, when my dad came to my rescue. And I'll get lots of hugs from my man. And I'll look for all the times when my Father will "cover me all the day long." And I'll have a knowing that, no matter what, I will make it through whatever life brings. I may just need a little reminding...

dad's birthday...

is today. He would have been 63. I would have given him his very fave gift - a Sears gift card so he could add to his Craftsman tool collection. It's a gift I always knew he'd smile about and once I finally figured that out, it's pretty much what he got for every occasion.

The kids and I went with Mom to the cemetery to send some balloons to Dad today. It's strange the things you do when someone's gone. We've been taking him balloons each year, and the kids love to let them go and we pretend that he'll be able to catch them when they get high enough. It may be a little silly, but after the strangeness of buying birthday balloons for someone you can't give them to, there's a sweet joy in watching them fly up, up, up...

I love the book Where Do Balloons Go? by Jamie Lee Curtis. It was given to me by a friend when my sweet Daddy Pat died over eight years ago. Although it's intended as a sweet way to explain death to children, it has brought me much comfort over the years. Releasing balloons today made me think of these words:

Where do balloons go
when you let them go free?
It can happen by accident.
It's happened to me.
Where do they go when they float far away?
Do they ever catch cold
and need somewhere to stay?
Do they keep going up?
Can they ever just stop?
I'm sure that they're always
concerned that they'll POP-
maybe caught up in wires
pushed by the breeze
poked by tall buildings
or tangled in trees?. . .
Then does it get quiet?
Do the stars give a shove?
And send it on high
to that place up above?
Does it float there forever remembering me?
And know that I'm happy that it's floating free?
Where do balloons go?
It's a mystery, I know.
So just hold on tight
till you have to
let go.

"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

papaya-sized baby

According to thebump.com, our "baby's now the size of a papaya! Baby's little face is fully formed...minus the baby fat, of course. The next task at hand for baby: sprouting two teeny-tiny nipples!"

You may be thinking that's too much information, and I really almost didn't share the tiny nipples part, but it reminded me of something. When Dad was sick, Elijah one day pointed to his own little nipples and asked what they were called. So I told him. His pronunciation of it was "neebos." So the next time we were with Dad, I had Elijah share with him what they were called. Dad laughed and laughed. That crazy laugh he had where his cheeks would puff up. I love that memory. And the thought of that laugh. And so, it makes me happy to say today, my baby is about to sprout neebos!

the Sunday paper

Elijah and Miles made it into the Montgomery Advertiser today. They were thrilled to see themselves, and Ella immediately regretted her choice to stay on the ground while her brothers climbed aboard Prattville's ladder truck. The kids and I had a fun time at Prattville's Touch a Truck event yesterday. Well, I had a pretty good time... lots of very loud truck honking made me a little edgy... but it was worth it to see Miles' face as he climbed in all the big trucks he loves.

I believe in you

Be warned: this one's heavy. Turn back if you aren't in the mood.

I've been feeling quite attacked lately. Attacked by the enemy through people who have no idea they are being used by him. I guess he's sneaky that way. All I'll say is that I've been left feeling unable in lots of areas of life. Oh, and last night {at church, mind you!}, I had someone say to me, "well, I think 2 children is enough" while someone else was speaking nicely to me about my pregnancy at the same time. To make sure I heard her, she said it two more times and then said, "did you hear me?" Why yes I did, loud and clear. And today was pretty tough. So much so that I didn't even know the words to pray and ask for help. It's the culmination of several things and it's become too much. And boy, do I cry ugly. The sound of it alone made me cry even harder. So glad none of you heard it!

Fortunately, I had a hair appointment scheduled for this evening, that I almost canceled, but I went on because my hair has been wild and crazy... all that to say that I had a few minutes alone in the car. I turned up my new CD and God used it to sing these words {that I so desperately needed} over me. I'm going to have to print several copies of this song at put them all over the place {maybe tattooed backwards on my forehead?} so that I can remember His sweet song.

I Believe in You by Bethany Dillon

When there's nothing to believe in, I believe in you
Forget the past and let my hand in yours be the proof
Though the strong could be my company, you're the one I choose
So remember, I believe in you

I know it feels like every eye is watching you
Waiting for you to fall, expecting you to lose
But I see victory, so all you have to do
Is remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

There will come a day when love will lift you out of here
There will come a day when love will bring the truth
There will come a day when love will free you from your fear
And you'll remember, I believe in you

I believe, even when I see you crying
I believe, let me dream for you
When nothing comes from trying
Remember, I believe in you

And my friend Dione sent this to me today {I get it in my in box, but she and Allison know I don't always read it, so they'll forward what they know I need}. It's a devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries. And it was perfect for the day, and did keep me from saying anything mean, because I read it early in the day. But honestly, I wanted to breathe fire. This is only part of the devotional, and the beginning was about how when people are mean to us, our mean girl comes out:

Yes, it stinks that this other person is determined to steal my joy.

It really does.

But in reality, my joy can only be stolen if I let it be stolen.

In John 15:10-12 Jesus says, "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command
is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

Several things struck me as I read this verse. In each interaction I have with others, I'm faced with the choice to either remain in God's love or retreat from God's love. I can't control how this other person is acting towards me. But I can control how I act and react. If I chose to remain in God's love and react to this other person kindly, it affects my joy. Jesus interjects His joy right into the heart of a kind person. If I make the choice to be kind, instead of my joy being depleted, it will be completed.

So back off mean girl part of my brain. The Jesus girl in me is taking over. And holding on to every ounce of joy that's rightfully mine. Circumstances can steal stuff from me. But not my joy.

And all Jesus' girls say, "Amen and amen!"

So, I've been reminded tonight, in such a sweet way, that God believes in me and wants to be my joy, and wants me not to focus on what others expect of me or want from me or think about me or how I live my life. I can't make them happy, only He can. I can't make them turn to Him for their joy. I can suggest to them and pray for them, but I can't force them. All I can do is remain in His love. Sounds easy enough, right? But it's a choice, a decision that I have to make daily. Thankfully, I know that:

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

and for that I will praise Him.

it might be hope

So, it's been four years today since I had to let my dad go back to God. My heart is heavy as I look back over those words. But to soften the sadness, God's perfect timing set my ultrasound appointment for today. That can't be random timing. No chance. And yesterday God set on the heart of a sweet friend to pray for me regarding dad - and she had no idea that today made it four years. He cares about the details of my life and the hurts of my heart. And, once again, He's made me love Him more!

Here is the sweet little face we gazed upon today. Meet Poppa's {and Gammie's!} 7th grandchild:

{Oh, and this one will make a mere 13th grandchild for Granddaddy and MeMe!}

And we stayed strong. That's right, we have absolutely no clue if this is a boy or a girl. We decided on an old-fashioned surprise and are very excited about the anticipation that will keep building. The kids chose the following name suggestions tonight:

Elijah: Angeline or Thomas
Miles: Sandy {as in Sandy Squirrel} or Kill or Buster
Ella: Lily {she would not even consider a boy's name}

I've had a Sara Groves song running through my mind all day called It Might be Hope. I'll never stop missing my dad, and although the hurt doesn't hurt and suffocate like it used to, it still weaves it's way in and out of my every day. But there is always hope. Always. And today it was in a dark, quiet room, looking at our sweet, sweet baby.

You do your work the best that you can
you put one foot in front of the other
life comes in waves and makes it's demands
you hold on as well as your able
Hope has a way of turning it's face to you
just when you least expect it
you walk in a room
you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless
you say to yourself
it's been a while since I felt this
but it feels like it might be hope

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him..." Romans 15:13

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:5