Two years ago...

my world changed. November 8, 2005 was the first time we were told of Dad's cancer. He'd been in the hospital for 4 days due to jaundice - first due to medications, then due to Hepatitis, then due to a very large ulcer (which was the idea I clung to), then finally (and actually) due to pancreatic cancer. I was taking pictures of Miles that morning as he was rolling over for the first time as my dad was having endoscopy and my mom was being told her husband had cancer. I started to get a bit concerned around lunch when I hadn't heard from Mom so I called. She only said she was coming right over to talk - I knew it was bad and called Jonathan crying. Mom told me and I sat with her as she called Kevin. She headed back to the hospital and as I waited for Jonathan to come home so I could go be with Dad, Kevin called me with the grim information he'd quickly found about pancreatic cancer online. We felt hopeless before we'd even begun. When I opened the door to Dad's hospital room, Mom was standing next to his bed and they were quietly talking. I remember the sweet look on his face as he looked up at her. I saw this and fell apart. I can still hear Dad saying, "Oh, baby..." as I left to cry by myself. I pray that I will never forget the way his voice sounded. This is a picture I took of Miles that day - I'll never be able to look at them without thinking about what happened after they were taken. This was the beginning of my learning that joy and pain will always exist together now.