Wednesday, January 7, 2009

When I finally make it home

Since that last post I found this song by MercyMe. Can you tell that I've been doing a lot of thinking about Home lately? I honestly just can't wait to be there sometimes. I've found that the longing has certainly intensified lately, not solely because I crave to see my dad, but because I just can't seem to get close enough to God.

I've been pretty down the past couple of days. Add to my usual January blues the very sudden "letting go" of four guys at Jonathan's office, and reality has started to sink in about this economic crisis. Jonathan still has a job, which we of course are very grateful for, but I seem to be experiencing something like survivor's guilt and I am so concerned for the ones whose desks now sit empty.

Then today I found out about the sudden death of a guy we knew at Auburn and who's sister attends our church. He was 32 and died of a heart attack. He leaves his wife and two little ones. And I just wonder what else?

The only explanation for our troubles is that we live in a fallen world, and that is why there is sickness. death, loss, fear, sadness, depression and on and on and on. I just get so weary of the troubles of this world sometimes, but then I hear a voice say:
So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:18
And then I find out why:

We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles.
2 Corinthians 4:17
So, hopefully, when I crave to be with my dad and hear his voice and feel his arms around me or see him hold my daughter or just hear him say that it will all be ok. When I worry about what this year will hold for us financially or feel like I'm waiting for the next bad thing to happen. When I'm tired. When I'd like to hang it up. Hopefully these words will continue a work in me. There's a difference in knowing something and in feeling it. I am seeking to feel these words and gain that peace that passes understanding. And one day, when I finally make it home the hard times of this life will all make sense as they pale in comparison to the glory and the reward that waits.