One Thousand Gifts

I'm going to go ahead and be honest. Is that ok? Because although I love my family with the fierce and tender love of a momma bear, I've recently found myself wanting. Wanting what? Well, more of this {time to rest, be alone, be with my husband, be with God, do a detailed bible study, exercise, time to sit, quiet, time to be "just mom"} and less of that {bickering children, schooling challenges, laundry, dishes, more laundry, more on the to-do list, "mom/school teacher"}.

And boy, have I wandered. You know, in the "prone to wander, Lord I feel it" kind of way. He's always there. Waiting. For me. And I'm busy wandering and fussing and trying and striving. All the striving, to try and fix what I perceive to be broken or try to better what I see that is lacking or try to plan for any day that is not today. To try to control. All the while, this wandering, striving, bettering, planning, is of no help to anyone. It only frustrates and widens the gap between Him and me. Make no mistake, He has stayed put, even drawn near, but I have been too busy wandering. And wondering, even - You called me to this? This? And you thought I could handle it?

I know that life is hard. God doesn't promise an easy life, but he does promise to never leave us. I know that much of what He calls us to is hard. But my struggle lately has been finding joy anyway, even though it's hard and seemingly endless, I want to find joy. His joy. Because it is His joy makes me strong. {Nehemiah 8:10}

So, I stumbled across this book. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And I've started it and can't put it down. Such beautiful language. Such soul-stirring truth. And I wanted to share it, because I think it's going to be that good. The kind of good you want to share. The bloom book club at (in)courage will be posting weekly videos with the author starting February 6th. I've added the bloom button on my side-bar.

A favorite line so far: "God is in the details; God is in the moment. God is in all that blurs by in a life - even hurts in a life." {p.54} How can it be that I learn this the hard way, by grieving a loss, mourning over dad, but still need reminders? To repeat the lesson? I guess because I'm human. Flawed. Fallen. But grateful for the chance to learn again. And hopefully, just grateful.