Sunday, January 13, 2008


Mom and I had lunch together Friday. The boys were in school and we just had Ella with us, so we were able to go to a favorite nice place - a place we will no longer take the boys. As we were finding a table, an old man sitting alone caught my attention, but not before he caught Ella's eye. He saw her pacifier and shared a story about when he was alone with his young son.He lost his paci and cried for 2 hours while his dad looked for it. He said the next day he went out and bought a dozen. I told him we had plenty, too, and we went and found a table. As he was leaving a little while later, he came over and said, "Can I just tell you one more thing?" He then pointed at Ella and said, "Love her every day, because it will go so fast." I'm not sure, but I probably had tears in my eyes as he said this. It's already going too fast for me - not just Ella, but all three. We will be going through kindergarten testing with Eli soon. I just have to look ahead, determined to enjoy them daily (at least to give it my best shot!) and just soak them up. I also need to forgive myself of my failings as a mother. I once read a quote that said God can take the imperfect love of an imperfect mother and use it to shape his perfect will in the lives of her children. This is one of my many prayers over those little ones. I remember my sister-in-law talking about when her daughter started kindergarten she made a conscious decision that she was going to enjoy the next stage because, after all, there was no going back. I'm just not ready for Eli to be in someone else's care for so much time. But, I know I must let him go. And I must let Miles and Ella go in the ways they need it, too. This verse has meant much to me in the new year and in regards to this idea: "I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." Philippians 3:13
Forgetting my shortcomings and looking forward, moving forward with faith, hope and love. Taking pleasure in so many happy memories and so many blessings and moving forward. That's what I need to do. Well, back to the old man at the restaurant, I truly believe God places people in our paths to give us messages. "Love her EVERY DAY." As he left he commented twice on Ella's beauty. I know I'd think she was beautiful even if she was so ugly. But, let's face it, she's beautiful. But I see much more than that when I look at her. I see grace, mercy, comfort, reassurance, and the love and attention of God given to me. Now that's beauty.


tamara said...

It is so hard most days to appreciate the present time. I have had older people tell me that, too. To just enjoy these younger years. I think that is something all young mothers need to try and do more. Easier said than done, though!